zindagi ek safar

I Pledge Widget

2009-12-22T10:48:00.001-05:00

Life is a journey indeed

2009-08-07T11:44:00.004-04:00

It has been oh so long since I've written for this blog. It almost became burdensome to write not just for this blog but for myself. I had all these entries prepared in my head, every day a different topic or a thread in response to a headline but life's circumstances overwhelmed that desire and something in me also drifted away..

This first year of marriage has been a mixed bag of emotions. I know I continue to harp on this issue and I'm sure my husband would like for me to 'get over it' already but somehow I can't do myself justice without first completely accepting the change. I hold on to the notion that women generally have to sacrifice so much more in a marriage than men. I gave up my job, my family, my surroundings in a city I loved to be with him. All he had to do was make room in his closet for my clothes, move his car to one side in the garage to make room for mine and keep the bathroom cleaner than he normally did. After having to make those adjustments, I started a new job in a new city and trying to make new acquaintances, ones that I actually liked and not just befriend his friends' wives. Add to this the complexity of becoming pregnant nearly 3 months into our marriage. Talk about overloading on emotions.

Nearly a year later, I have a healthy baby boy and a wonderful husband who still doesn't listen very well so when it comes to for presents, he ends up getting me 10 lotions... Nonetheless, life hasn't gotten less easy, it's just more manageable and more routine which is not a bad thing considering the flux of last year.

Learning to juggle the roles I've been dealt with as mother, wife, daughter in law and colleague has been draining at times but in certain ways very fulfilling. As a women you're constantly the one having to readjust paradigms and forget what it was that made you, you. Writing was one of those things for me and I lost it along the way. I hope I am making amends with myself by beginning to write once more.

I'm baaack, or at least I'm trying to get back

2009-01-13T11:32:00.000-05:00

It has been altogether too long since I last wrote on my blog. Partly because I had lost inspiration to write, partly because there was too much to take in of my new existence and not enough words with which to explain it and partly because we are expecting a little rascal to join us in May.

Holy shit. First marriage was a big thing to swallow. Then moving to a new city and starting a new job. Add to that now becoming a mother. Not altogether the smartest thing to do to oneself but then I should have planned better. Nonetheless, I am excited to begin yet another chapter of life, albeit hesitatingly. And don’t hate me kid if I wasn’t all that prepared to raise you because truth is, I wasn’t. I’ll have help from your grandparents so don’t worry that you won’t be loved or bathed or fed. You will. But if I get tired after a few hours with you, don’t mind it, it’s just my signal that I need me time.

In other news over the past 5 months, we’ve gotten a new president, fell into a worldwide recession, witnessed more violence in Palestine and purchased a new rug. Just your typical 5 months in any normal calendar year..

Let the Games Begin

2008-08-08T11:15:00.002-04:00

The 29th Olympic Games begin today in Beijing. With the air cleared of smog (at least for now,) China is ready to show off its coming of age. After 7 years and $20B in infrastructure costs, Beijing is open to the world. However, after these Olympics, I think, people will understand why they won't go to China until a few problems are fixed:

1- traffic. You can't go anywhere because too many cars are jammed in narrow streets. There needs to be more user-friendly public transportation. That is how any big city has thrived as a tourist destination. I remember it took 40 mins to go 5 miles from our China World Hotel to Tiannemen Square. I kept asking are we there yet.

2- pollution. I would have opted to walk the 5 miles mentioned above, but then I wouldn't be able to breathe once I got to the destination. Too many people, an economy ready to burst onto the global scene without adequate infrastructure and too many industrial factories polluting the air. I read a statistic that stated 1 in 4 people in Beijing has upper respiratory problems. No kidding. I never once saw blue clouds or the sun in 7 days of traveling in Beijing. The people will suffer and tourists will stay away (or complain).

3- food. Chinese eat strange foods but that doesn't mean the rest of us want to. Menus are indecipherable and most items usually have some form of lard. I was lucky in that I went with my Jewish and native Chinese colleague who insisted on knowing the composition of every thing and had a translator sitting with us. Otherwise, I could have unknowingly eaten ox balls or something.

4- perhaps most importantly. human rights. If China wants to emerge as the better superpower, it needs to fix its record on domestic human rights and intervene on international fronts where its pressure would force governments to action, namely Sudan.

Otherwise, have fun at the Olympics. I'll be fine watching from my TV set at home.

Black in America

2008-07-30T14:41:00.002-04:00

CNN heavily advertised for their ground-breaking series entitled Black in America, a two-part series that focused on black women and black men living in America today on the heels of the next elections which has poised a black man to become the President of the United States. What resulted (at least for me) wasn’t as eye-opening but rather solidifying why we hold certain stereotypes up for black people.

As a daughter of South Asian immigrants, I understand and saw the hard work my parents performed over the past 28 years and continue to do in order to live comfortably in middle class America. I have seen Mexicans and other immigrants in NY, DC, and Chicago do the same.

So I suppose my frustration with CNNs Black in America and black Americans in general is why they can’t do the same. I play the devil’s advocate here because living in the cities mentioned above, I know how the vicious cycle of poverty, poor education, single parent homes, and violence can perpetuate in generation after generation of black kids. Perhaps my parents and I didn’t know any better and had no long history of suffering in America like black Americans know and have lived with. But there is a part of me that asks black folks to leave the excuses on the table. Leave it and lift yourselves up. When Obama and Cosby criticize black fathers, people such as the likes of Jesse Jackson shouldn’t criticize (especially not since he conceived an illegitimate child and refused to acknowledge them until recently), but instead offer alternate ways in which to reach out to the community with positive messages of change.

Black in America was a much-needed piece that stirs debate amongst all Americans trying to understand the difficulties of being black in America, which carries its own set of burdens. Perhaps more auspiciously, we can do better as a nation by lifting up all of our neighbors, be they Black or Hispanic or Asian, heralding the dawn of next year when we will have a new president in the White House that hasn’t looked like the ones of years past.

Subway Ad Outrage

2008-07-29T16:26:00.003-04:00

As usual in NYC, if it's not one nut, it's another. Rep. Peter King is trying to petition the MTA to not allow Islamic Circle of North America's Why Islam? advertising campaign on its trains. The advertising, very simply was created to educate New Yorkers on Islam by providing a provoking word and leading them to a website to find out the truth . Peter King, being the racist he is, thinks that because Imam Siraj Wahhaj lends his advocacy to the campaign, it is somehow affiliated with terrorism. I could comment further on this, but then I would sound Anti-semitic, so let me not.

In this video, Azeem Khan, a spokesman for ICNA (and someone I went to elementary school with, and who by the way made fun of me back in 6th grade- but I forgive him) defends the campaign. Nice job Azeem.

Oh the changes!

2008-07-10T12:39:00.002-04:00

I've been MIA for some time. In the meantime a few changes took place in my life. I left my job in NJ to DC to be with my extended family who came from Pakistan to celebrate my wedding. I found a subletter and sold things on Craigslist in a matter of 2 days and packed myself out of the little apartment. Hosted 20 guests for 2 weeks before my wedding. Finished preparing for the 300-guest wedding. Interviewed and accepted another job in another state. Moved to Texas to be with my husband. Started a new job. That's all. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Except that all of it was stressful and happy and mind-numbing and sad and too many other emotions that I can't quite recall currently as I take a break from my new job as an Assoc. Brand Manager at Odwalla, the most awesome juice company there is! Yes I've become a total and utter fan and stalk people in the grocery aisles when they pick up but don't buy Odwalla juice and/or bar. I have gone so far as to pull out a coupon and entice them to try without risk. I hope not to be caught doing this otherwise grocery clerks will throw me out.

In any case, I live in Houston and for the most part its ok.. except I don't consider it permanent. I'm hoping Irfan sees the light and will want to move to the East coast one day (soon). In the case that we don't, Houston it is. I'll have to find some interesting people to call 'friends.' I'm tired now and I should get back to work. More challenges to chronicle as I step in marriagehood or whatever they call it.

13 days to go..

2008-05-12T23:27:00.003-04:00

oh so apparently i was informed that i only have 13 days of singledom left. umm, that isn't so amusing anymore. i have way too much to do in 13 days than i thought of and starting a relaxation treatment would be one of them. 3 bachelorette parties later, i think i should be ready for the fuss to end, but i kind of like it. unfortunately real life will begin very shortly and i will downgrade from fiance 5.0 to husband 1.0- one can hope though?

42 days to go..

2008-04-14T01:22:00.002-04:00

..but now I'm counting. 6 weeks until i say kabul hai 3x in front of an imam w/ 300 or so people looking on.. breathe..breathe..

Dhaka-Calcutta Train Link Resumes

2008-04-14T01:19:00.004-04:00

BBC- The passenger train service between Calcutta in India and the capital of Bangladesh, Dhaka, has resumed after an interval of more than 40 years. The service was suspended in 1965 following that year's war between India and Pakistan, of which Bangladesh was then the eastern province.

Bangladesh gained independence in 1971 but the two countries only agreed to resume the train link in 2001.

The train has been dubbed the Maitreyi, or Friendship, Express. One service left Dhaka on Bengali New Year's Day on Monday for the inaugural 500km (310 mile) run to Calcutta, with another train running in the opposite direction.

But the 360-seater Calcutta-Dhaka Friendship Express on its inaugural run was carrying barely 65 passengers, including journalists and politicians, says BBC's Subir Bhaumik who is travelling to Dhaka on the train.

"The inaugural service has been started in a hurry and people are still not aware of where to get tickets. But once they know, the trains will go full and I have no doubt about that," said Indian railway spokesman Samir Goswami.

Bangladesh and India's West Bengal state used to form united Bengal and many people on both sides of the border share a common language and have relatives on the other side.

With one-way tickets starting from $8 (£4), it is expected to be popular with Bangladeshis visiting family, looking for work, shopping or seeking medical treatment in their wealthier neighbour.

One man on the train said he was returning to his village in Bangladesh after 60 years. "I came to India as a refugee when I was six year old but for me Kalindi in Bangladesh, the village I was born, remains my motherland," said Janatosh Pal, his voice choked with emotion.

There have been protests against the train service. But our correspondent says public enthusiasm was palpable and thousands lined up on both sides of the railway track all the way from Calcutta to Gede on the border, waving at the train.

A group representing Hindu refugees from Bangladesh, Nikhil Banga Nagarik Sangha (All Bengal Citizens Committee), tried to obstruct the train because they are opposed to it.

"There is no reason why India should develop close links with Bangladesh when Hindus are persecuted in that country," said the group's chief Subhas Chakrabarti.

Police blamed the group for planting three bombs on the route on Sunday. The bombs were defused and scores of the group's supporters were arrested while demonstrating near the tracks.

The train was also stopped briefly by slogan shouting Sangha supporters on the way.

The police pledged to provide "foolproof" security for the train.

Bilateral relations were dogged by suspicion and rivalry for many years even though India helped Bangladesh win its independence from Pakistan, says our correspondent.

"The agreement will strengthen bilateral relations and provide an alternative mode of passenger transport," an Indian government statement said.

Disagreements over security arrangements delayed the implementation of the rail link after the two countries signed an agreement in 2001.

A passenger coach and freight trains already run between the two countries.

76 days to go..but who's counting

2008-03-11T00:57:00.004-04:00

I haven't posted to the blog in quite sometime and so I figured as I lay in bed restless and unable to sleep here in Chicago, a place of much anguish when it comes to my relationship history, I should write about whats been on my mind of late. I remember not but 7 months ago, I was talking to IK for 3-4 hours a night catching up on our respective 26 and 28 years of history in an effort to get to know one another. Those precious hours when I ignored calls from everyone else and curled up on my sofa to understand who he was. And today, we stand 76 days away from becoming husband and wife. Most days I am overjoyed at the thought of entering this union. Other days I am scared about the prospects of what this all means. I put faith in God and the forces that brought us together that this indeed was my kismet. That this man is my partner in life. That he and I will uphold the 'vows' of a marital union and motivate each other to achieve our dreams together.

I couldn't have predicted anyone more well-suited for me. But if you asked me 6-7 years ago who I thought I wanted to marry and who I am marrying, they are two different profiles. When you rhetorically ask God (as all question to God are), if He can give you a glimpse of the person you are going to marry, I wouldn't have predicted IK. He was uknown to me in my circle of people. He's from a different country. A different state. A different college. I guess I didn't think I would run into someone like him. But our world is much different today because of our degress of separation. And so ties like this one aren't unbelievable. Nonetheless, when you do find your life partner, you understand that God works in mysterious ways to bring unions together.

I guess what I'm trying to get at really is that although I have nervous energy as we closer to the wedding day, I do know one thing, I love him. I am looking forward to our lives together and my heart beats fast knowing its but moments away from becoming my new reality.

The Shrinking Palestine

2008-02-15T13:14:00.002-05:00

I vote for Obama in '08

2008-01-28T10:00:00.000-05:00

I was reluctant to choose the presidential candidate I thought would change the course of our nation and instill hope in us once more. I fell in love with Obama, then out of love. Then started giving more thought to Clinton- as I once interned for her- and have a minuatae of loyalty left to spare. But she didn't quite capture my hope for things to come. Then I considered Huckabee until his evangelical diatribes made me take a pass on him. So I was left with not too many more choices. I was always a fan of Biden and after I read his history of losing his wife and child to an accident, I felt he was electable.. until he placed next to last in the Iowa caucuses.

..So I revisited why I liked Obama in the first place. When I first heard at the Democratic National Convention in 2004, I was smitten. I sat on my sofa thinking here is my President Kennedy. Here is a leader I can be inspired by. Over the course of the year, his position on Muslims and the war on terrorism made me question him because I didn't think he was any different than the rest. And his absolute vehement denial of being Muslim (although his Kenyan blood cannot be denied) left me wondering if he was filled with hate against Muslims just like the rest of the lot. I suppose this weekend, I was reminded why I gravitated towards him 4 years ago. Caroline Kennedy, daughter of JFK, the man who captured the hearts and minds of the baby boomer generation, said it best in her endorsement: "Sometimes it takes a while to recognize that someone has a special ability to get us to believe in ourselves, to tie that belief to our highest ideals and imagine that together we can do great things. In those rare moments, when such a person comes along, we need to put aside our plans and reach for what we know is possible." I was looking for the words and when I read this piece, I knew why I had to vote for Barack Hussein Obama.

Definitely a Different Kind of Ad

2008-01-25T15:53:00.000-05:00

Is Luxury Really Luxury these days?

2008-01-24T11:25:00.000-05:00

Perhaps not. Hermes scarves made in China. Jimmy Choo shoes made in India. No talented European craftsmen needed here. European workers don't even touch luxury brands anymore unless they are illegal immigrants residing in Italy and are escorted to a secret factory in Torino to make Gucci products for $5/hour.

Luxury in Audrey Hepburn's time is not the luxury of todays' Lindsey Lohan's. LVMH, the conglomerate outsources most of its manufacturing leaving only the marketing to its French compatriots. Luxury is but two things now, illusion and image according to a new book by Newsweek's cultural correspondent Dana Thomas. According to this Wharton article (which is giving me resolve to quit my Burberry obsession), mass produced luxury is a contradiction in terms. She says "the contradiction between personal indulgence and conspicuous consumption is at the crux of the luxury business today," noting that the real work of the luxury industry is increasingly not to produce genuinely luxurious goods, but to shave costs while pretending that quality remains as high as ever.

So why exactly do we need luxury to support our image when mass produced luxury is available to everyone, whether real or counterfeit? Because society says we are worth more when we spend more on ourselves. We can feel better that we spend a particular amount of money when perhaps the rest of the world couldn't. I for one am starting to quit the luxury habit. Targe(t) it is!

Heath Ledger (1979-2008)

2008-01-23T15:45:00.000-05:00

Actor Heath Ledger was found dead yesterday in an apt in SoHo at the age of 28. Yes many people die but his was tragic because he just seemed to hit his stride as a talented actor. I particularly became fond of his work after Brokeback Mountain which left a most indelible impression on me and changed my opinion on homosexuality almost entirely. May his soul rest in peace and give patience to his family.

I guess what reverberated for me was that he was my age and it leaves one to believe we are beholden to the plans of a higher being. We may be here today but gone tomorrow. We only leave our actions and deeds to/with other behind as our mark on this world. May we all leave goodness behind in our wake.

Incest does not always happen in W. Virginia

2008-01-11T14:17:00.000-05:00

We thought West Virginia is bad but from England comes news that British twins who had been separated at birth learned they were related only after they had become husband and wife. The marriage was annulled after they learned of their relationship.. but umm.. that's one big EWWWW! How bloody traumatizing.

Maryland Ranked Third Best School System

2008-01-09T11:44:00.000-05:00

Is it any wonder why I am as brilliant as I am. Okay I'll stop the bragging because it so happens that I ended up living where I did and going to the school I did by happenstance. According to the The Quality Counts report, an annual publication from Editorial Projects in Education, ranked the 50 states plus the District on six areas of education performance and policy. The complex formula, which measures student achievement, standards and assessments and teacher pay, among other factors, rates Maryland as the third-best state school system in the country with a B average. New York was second and Massachusetts was first.

So I went to the two best school systems in the country. I would say Maryland moreso than NY because I did go through the NYC public school system, which is not bad but it ain't no Exeter! In Maryland, I was enrolled in IB (International Baccalaureate) and came out ahead with 21 extra college credits.

Actually you can never be assured of success except for hard work and some luck along the way, even if you went through DC's school system, which was ranked last!

2008: A New Year to Look Forward To

2008-01-01T14:18:00.000-05:00

Here is wishing all a safe, blessed and happy new year. I've been through quite a whirlwind of a year myself and look to 2008 as a year where more changes, more maturity and more wisdom will accompany my journey onwards. A prayer for those we lost in 2007 including my uncle Janjoo in Pakistan and more recently my uncle Anjum here in NY. May God bless your souls and bequeath patience to their families.

To our Beloved Uncle Anjum

2007-12-21T14:43:00.000-05:00

A particularly sorrowful day brings to a close a particularly life-changing year. How do I put into words my sorrow and grief for the life that has been taken away? Uncle Anjum was no ordinary uncle. He was closer to me than some of my own blood relatives. A great friend to my dad, loyal community activist, a family mediator when interventions were required, an absolutely jovial human being who I nicknamed Hulk Hogan for his uncanny resemblance to the wrestler. I will miss his wonderful smile, his passion for his wife and kids and his unwavering dedication to the community in which he lived. The mosque he built, the pharmacy in which he honed his profession, the beautiful house he furnished, the 3 great kids he raised and the wife he adored are all a testament to the wonderful man who befriended our family some 28 years ago. Alas his body succumbed to leukemia after 3 long years of chemotherapy and countless visits to the doctor. A well-built man who had no known ailments one day coughed up a storm only to have the doctor take a blood culture sample and reveal his abnormal cells. One thinks after witnessing his arduous battle that none of us can escape what is written in our fates. We can pray and ask for health. But beyond that, we can only leave our plans to God, for He knows what is best. Inna lillahee wa inna ilayhee raji’un (To Him do we belong and to Him we return).

Sadia’s Top Ten List of 2007’s Most Overrated Things

2007-12-20T10:26:00.000-05:00

This annual list always remains in my head, but for some reason this year, I wanted to share the things I find overrated in 2007

10- Keira Knightley. She’s not particularly pretty nor can she act. I mean Pirates of the Caribbean ain’t exactly highbrow fare. If she’s nominated for an Oscar for Atonement, I will have no faith in the Academy of Motion Picture Arts.

9- Hilary Clinton. Yes she’s smart. True I’ve even interned for her but I don’t find her too compelling. And the whole likebility tour is a bit shall we say exaggerated. If people don’t feel like her after seeing her for over 15 years in the public eye, then they aint never gonna like her.

- Starbucks. They continue to charge Americans more for coffee but don’t necessarily provide a clean environment. Perhaps that is now because I’m in the NY/NJ area and nothing is particularly clean. Good thing I don’t have a caffeine addiction.

7- Driving. I have had my share of driving along the east coast now and I’m not thrilled with the lack of pubic transportation choices. I feel like if I didn’t have a car, I’d be stranded in America. I suppose I need only look around to see the struggle poor Americans face when commuting to/from work and elsewhere. Our nation is completely underdeveloped in our public transportation and it might just cripple us in the years to come.

6- Bollywood Films. Which are now more like soft-core porn (of the Eastern variety). Gone are the days when you could sit with your parents and watch a full-length movie. Now G-rated movies are called indie flicks.

5- Britney Spears. Let’s just say keep your children away from her garbage. And for that matter, keep your kids away from all white trash teen idols which would include: Lindsey Lohan, Miley Cyrus, Jessica Simpson, Christina Aguilera and the list goes on. There are better ‘celebrities’ to introduce your kids to.. like um Stephen Hawking.

4- Snow. Yes it might mean that some glaciers aren’t melting at the moment, but who really needs a reason to slip and fall on ice.

3- Hospitals. I understand their purpose: to allow an environment where sick people can get treatment. Nonetheless, they make me sick (as in my stomach) and I don’t necessarily find myself being particularly peaceful when I’m there. So note to friends and family: please stay healthy.

2- New Jersey. It may boast some of the best schools, the highest per capita household income, long shorelines and proximity to New York- but heck, it’s got some of the crummiest drivers, crummiest roads, and busiest malls I’ve ever stepped foot in. I’ve long attempted to answer, what’s wrong with Jersey and all I could come up with is: most everything.

1- Long distance relationships. You may have found the person you’ve waited for all your life. But then you have to coordinate schedules in order to meet after months of making do and make that trip worthwhile. I suppose it’s true: absence makes the heart go fonder (for only so long).

Union Gives Strength

2007-12-17T12:00:00.000-05:00

Another Intelligence Failure, how many does that make?

2007-12-05T12:49:00.000-05:00

Iran is somewhat cleared that it in fact has halted nuclear armament production although there is still speculation that its uranium production continues. Once again, we see when the dust settles and reports verified by multiples CIA divisions become public, we had no cause to rush to judgement. Just as Iraq wasn't building weapons of mass destruction and Iran wasn't nuclearly proliferating, we can only conclude that our administration are a bunch of war-mongering drones who are looking to make certain institutions stronger, namely organizations with which they have a monetary tie.

What if we had already taken action against Iran like we did in Iraq and found out only later that there existed no such threat? What then? A lame ass excuse like the one we received after Saddam was taken down, that we eliminated any potential threat..meanwhile destroying infrastructure and devastating millions of lives.

If I didn't believe that this administration was ruthless before, specifically to Muslims and the Muslim world in general, I certainly believe it now. Give me January 2008 now!

Yes, I will

2007-11-24T14:29:00.000-05:00

These past three days have been surreal. New people to get used to, a permanent person to care for, a love that knows no bounds. Are you suuuure? Yes, I'm sure.

Sivilization by Azar Nafisi

2007-11-19T12:52:00.000-05:00

In contributing to Atlantic Monthly's The American Idea Collection, Azar Nafisi, author of Reading Lolita in Tehran and Professor at Johns Hopkins Univ. had this to write which moved me terribly and echoed my sentiment of the best and worst of America:

Sivilization

On the first page of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Huck informs us that the Widow Douglas decided to take him up and “sivilize” him, but

it was rough living in the house all the time, considering how dismal regular
and decent the widow was in all her ways; and so when I couldn’t stand it no
longer I lit out.

The way Huck subverts a whole way of living, a way of thinking and relating to the world, by misspelling a word is to my mind a pure expression of the American idea. That idea is always threatened by another: the secure and smug world from which Huck and Jim turn away. Throughout the book, Huck and Jim turn the "decent" and "sivilized" world on its head, and we come out in the end with a new definition of these words.

These subversive characters, like Ralph Ellison's Invisible Man, F. Scott Fitzgerald's Gatsby, Zora Neale Hurston's Janie- all outcasts who refuse to comply- are part of a tradition in American fiction. Like Huck, they risk hell but trust their own instincts and experiences above static convention. They are thoughtful and reflect upon these experiences; they are critical not just of others but of themselves, and they act upon their reflections. This is the American idea I would like to return to: a slight subversion, an instinctive urge to do the right thing, which, in the eyes of the "correct" world, might seem to be exactly the wrong thing.

The idea that I want to believe America was founded on also depended on challenging the world as it is and, by standing up to civilized society, redefining it. That idea was essentially based on a poetic vision, on imagining something that did not exist. It has been pinpointed out that the man who wrote the Declaration of Independence- who could state with simplicity and beauty that every individual has the right to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness"- was himself a slaveowner. Jefferson lived in a slave-owning society, one in which half of the non-slave population, the women, were that society's saving grace was its foundation on a certain set of beliefs that transcended the individuals, their prejudices, and their times and allowed for the possibility of a different future, foreshadowing a time when other women and men, a Martin Luther King Jr. or an Elizabeth Cady Stanton, could take their ideas and words and suffuse them with new and risky and bold meanings, and with new dreams.

Huck closes his adventures with this statement:

But I reckon I got to light out for the territory ahead of the rest, because
Aunt Sally she's going to adopt me and sivilize me, and I can't stand it. I been
there before.

This, ofcourse, is the whole point: In order to keep the American idea fresh and new, it must be constantly challenged. For the American idea to endure, we have to "light out," and to find new ways to resist the "sivilizing" impulse of the Widow Douglases and Aunt Sallys among us.

And yet today it seems that America, gripped by social and political crisis, has become almost forgetful of that idea. Cynical, shallow, defensive, and at the same time arrogant and greedy, it is unfaithful to its instincts and refuses to be reflective, mistaking blame for self-criticism, and believing that success at ant cost is more imporant than failure with honor, taking as its ideal the Widow Douglas's paradise rather than Huck Finn's hell.

The question is: Can we still hope to be a little less "sivilized"?

a word is to my mind a pure expression of the American idea. That idea is
always threatened by another: the secure and smug world from which Huck and Jim
turn away. Throughout the book, Huck and Jim turn the “decent” and “sivilized”
world on its head, and we come
out in the end with a new definition of these words.

Gaza Abandoned

2007-11-19T11:40:00.000-05:00

Raji Sourani, director of Gaza’s Palestinian Center for Human Rights, is himself stuck in Gaza. No friend to Hamas, he has a new metaphor.

“At least in prison, and I’ve been in prison, there are rules,” he said. “But now we live in a kind of animal farm. We live in a pen, and they [Israel] dump in food and medicine.”

Men are.. Women are..

2007-11-16T09:59:00.000-05:00

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus is not only a best-selling book, but I’m beginning to believe a motto. Well, not really. They can understand one another if both seek to understand first, then be understood (as someone close to has once said, actually has repeatedly said). According to these interesting articles, evolution is catching up in gender disequality than we might’ve liked.

counting down

2007-11-15T09:07:00.002-05:00

My blog title, zindagi ek safar, is indeed such. Life is a journey, one that will change for me in about a week's time. A good friend wrote this, capturing the qualities I hope to embody in this journey, "may it be permanent, equal and blissful." Ameen.

Damn Tourists

2007-11-15T09:07:00.001-05:00

I could talk about Musharraf’s obstinate stance on removing his wardi (army uniform) or Barack Obama’s resurgence in the latest polls. But I’d rather post another article on the environment that is far more interesting given that politics will always be. I’ve always wondered what the tourism industry contributes to global warming, between jumbo jets and fresh towels in hotel rooms every morning, the impact of tourists on local environments is harsh. I’m glad to see that Sri Lanka is taking a stand. Read on.

26.2 Miles Stronger

2007-11-02T02:06:00.000-04:00

Why couldn’t Philipedes die at Mile 20?
Pain is temporary, pride is forever.
Pain is weakness leaving the body.

Put another medal around her neck Pfc Martinez. You would think after running this third one, I could say that long runs are long runs, one not different from the other. But I can assuredly say they were not. Each was different in its own way and each had its purpose. The first was to show me the way, that yes I can push myself to achieve physical heights I thought weren’t possible for this Muslim girl. The second was to prove to other people that I had it in me to do what they thought was a fluke. Perhaps people didn’t think this at all, but I used it as motivation to understand why I took steps to do the first marathon at all. I now understand it was to demonstrate that I had the discipline to train myself and achieve singular feats I alone was capable of accomplishing. That, and I also became became obsessive about running. I can’t imagine any other activity that I despise and love at the same time. I feel at once powerful and diminutive. Mighty and slight. Conditioned and weak. These juxtapositions are not mere exaggerations but rambling conversations a person has, when after 14, 16, 20 miles on the road by yourself, you feel you can conquer anything and at the same time absolutely nothing at all. It is the human being at complete mercy to the will of God because he understands he is given a blessing in the form of a healthy body and is also provided an unknown limitation which he discovers along the way.

This past Sunday, I overcame early knee and gluteal aggravations to complete my third Marine Corps Marathon. This one has more severe after-effects as my thighs couldn’t bother to function afterwards and my toes show signs of falling off everyday since. Nonetheless, I am made more aware by this achievement that perhaps of all things that I do for others, this is the one unmerciful activity I do for myself. People ask why are you running another one? Don’t you have enough distractions between work, family, friends, and life’s own episodes that you have to run a marathon and cause harm to your body? And I say not really. I do this for all the doubts I have about my own abilities. I do this to prove I am not weak. I do this to build my stamina. I do this for all the people that think I couldn’t do this then- or now. My reasons may seem self-centered as I put it into words but after all is said and done and I publish this to the blog, I do this for myself to make me whole.

I prepare. I run. I take in the sun at my back. I feel pain. I hurt mightily. I discourage myself from putting one foot in front of the other at Miles 17. 18. 19. 20. And then I realize I am only another 6 miles away from doing what I thought was impossible at the starting line. And I cross that finish line knowing I will never be the same.

on Ayaan Hirsi Ali

2007-10-23T15:42:00.000-04:00

Who is Ayaan Hirsi Ali and why is her book doing well on the New York Times Bestseller list? A former Muslim who now decries Islam as a menace to our society, she has sought asylum in America as her life was threatened by Muslims in the Netherlands for collaborating with Dutch filmmaker Theo van Gogh (killed by Muslim extremists) on domestic violence against Muslim women. A former parlamentarian, she is now the author of Infidel, a scathing account of her own life growing up in Somalia and being forced to marry against her wishes and undergoing genital mutilation.

As I try to understand where people like Ali fit among hate-mongerers who have found a home on Fox News, a number of well written articles have helped to inform my opinion. People like Ali, former Muslims who have nothing but hate to speak of, do Islam injustice, because it was perhaps not the religion but the circumstances under which they were raised that produced such hatred.

Wise Words from Doris Lessing, Nobel Laureate

2007-10-23T09:44:00.000-04:00

Americans are "a very naive people" and the Sept. 11 terror attacks were "not that terrible" when compared to attacks by the Irish Republican Army in Great Britain, freshly minted Nobel laureate Doris Lessing told a Spanish newspaper in an interview published over the weekend.
"Some Americans will think I'm crazy. Many people died, two prominent buildings fell, but it was neither as terrible nor as extraordinary as they think. They're a very naive people, or they pretend to be," she said in an interview with El Pais, the AP reports.

Lessing won the Nobel in literature earlier this month, with judges citing her "skepticism, fire and visionary power" in dozens of works, notably her classic The Golden Notebook.
Lessing, who is British, also talked some smack in the interview about former prime minister Tony Blair and President Bush.

"Many of us hated Tony Blair," she says in the interview. "I think he has been a disaster for Britain and we have suffered him for many years."

"As for Bush, he's a world calamity," added Lessing. "Everyone is tired of this man. Either he is stupid or he is very clever, although you have to remember he is a member of a social class which has profited from wars."

Now the Donald is beginning to make some sense

2007-10-22T17:29:00.000-04:00

Angelina Jolie is sort of amazing because everyone thinks she's like this great beauty," the self-promotion-addicted tycoon told Larry King earlier this week while shilling his new book, which shall remain nameless so as not to help the boorish. "And I'm not saying she's an unattractive woman, but she's not [a] beauty, by any stretch of the imagination."

"And I remember at the Academy Awards a few years ago she was Frenching her brother. She was giving her brother lip kisses like I never saw before in my life," he rambles. "And she had just said she made love to Billy Bob Thornton in the back of the limousine on the way over. And I wouldn't want to shake her hand, by the way."

Continues the apparent germ-phobe, "And now she's representing the United Nations and world peace. I don't get it."

(I love it, for once Trump makes sense. I've been saying this for at least a year now about Angelina.. but hey don't take my word for it).

Joe Torre, No Longer in Pinstripes

2007-10-19T16:34:00.000-04:00

Ever the consummate Yankee fan, I was disappointed to see Joe Torre turn down the latest offer from Steinbrenner & Co. But after today's conference with reporters, I suppose his trust with the club broke and he felt that he couldn't be the best manager they wanted him to be. In sports, as in life, integrity is everything. Too bad the Yankees ownership didn't feel that Torre's 12 years was indication enough of his commitment to the team. Ever a gentleman, Torre went out like a champ- too bad the Yankees still suck.

Torre Calls Yankees Bonus Offer an ‘Insult’
Joe Torre said today that he turned down a $5 million offer to manage the New York Yankees for another year because “I didn’t think it was the right thing for me, I didn’t think it was the best thing for my players.”

Mr. Torre, in his first public comments since turning down the offer, said the owners did not seem to want to negotiate with him for more money, or better terms in a meeting in Tampa about his future that lasted a mere 20 minutes. In fact, they were offering a pay cut — to $5 million a year, with the chance of earning another $3 million if he led the Yankees to a World Series next season.

The bonus, he said, was “an insult.”
Mr. Torre earned $6.4 million on average over the last three seasons.“I’d been there 12 years and did not feel motivation was needed,” he said at a packed news conference. “I didn’t think it was the right thing for me or the right thing for my players,” because it would have put too much pressure on everyone.

Mr. Torre, who led the Yankees to four World Series championships, said that $5 million “is a lot of money. I’m not going to sneeze at that. But the fact that somebody is reducing your salary is just telling me that they’re just not satisfied with what you’re doing.”

Mr. Torre, in his typical manner, spoke with no rancor or bitterness. Ever the gentleman, he took time to thank everyone, especially the fans, and even the team’s principal owner, George Steinbrenner, who he said, “was never satisfied.”

While he said he could not guess what was in the mind of the owners who decided on his salary package, their not wanting to negotiate, he said, told him a lot.

“If somebody wanted me to manage here, I’d be managing here. That’s my feeling,” he said. “Yes, it was a very generous offer, no question about it. It still wasn’t the type of commitment that we’re trying to do something together as opposed to what can you do for me.”

Mr. Torre kept coming back to the same themes in the long conversation with reporters: that he loved the game, that the Yankees are run by people interested in the bottom line, that he couldn’t blame them for being focused on winning.

For him, he said, it was about a bond being broken.

“It’s not the money that’s going to be the determining factor,” Mr. Torre said. “It’s the commitment and trust. You can’t have one without the other.”
He said that when he walked into the meeting in Tampa this week, “I looked around and saw business people.

“I may be a little unusual,” he said. “The game is very personal to me. To me, my job is whatever it takes on a day to day basis, how you do it. “

He said of his brief meeting with Yankee executives: “I thanked George Steinbrenner for trusting me with his club. The goal for me has always been to make him proud of what we did, even though he was never satisfied, which is why he kept that drill going all the time — he felt he owed it to the people of New York to have a winning team.”

Past Member, Facebook Users Anonymous

2007-10-09T16:31:00.000-04:00

Admittedly and shamefully so, I had to check myself in to FUA- Facebook Users Anonymous. I was obsessed. I would check and check again my page every 20 minutes for any new updates on friends' status, what they did, who commented on their photos and wondered why they never commented on mine. It indeed was a sad situation. Then I realized I wasn't necessarily the sad one but perhaps the act itself was compulsive behavior. These were the beginnings of the realization of an addict in the making. Recently, I've come across a couple of articles and videos that make light of the situation. I do know some addicts, however I am not one of them..any longer.

Anti-Muslim Flier at GW- leaves me sad

2007-10-09T11:58:00.000-04:00

This is a disturbing headline coming from my alma mater. I can't believe GW has become a bastion of conservative citizens who will use Islamo-Fascism as their banner for uniting on campus. I'm truly sad and feel like all the good rapport we built with the administration over the years we were there meant nothing to all those who came after us.

Anti-Muslim Fliers Cause Uproar
Posters May Be Intended to Mock Conservative Group
By Susan KinzieWashington Post Staff Writer Tuesday, October 9, 2007; Page B03

Posters appeared all over the George Washington University campus yesterday morning blaring the message: "HATE MUSLIMS? SO DO WE!!!"
Campus police moved quickly to remove the fliers, university leaders began investigating how they got there and student groups met last night to deplore the posters, which had a photo of an Arab and description of "typical Muslim" features such as "suicide vest," "hidden AK-47" and "peg-leg for smuggling children and heroin."

The posters managed to upset just about everyone on campus: Muslim students, other religious groups and conservatives who are hosting "Islamo-Fascism Awareness Week" later this month. Some questioned whether they were mocking the conservatives, pointing to fine print at the bottom -- "Brought to you by Students for Conservativo-Fascism Awareness" -- and a postscript recommending a BBC video on the politics of fear.

Any subtleties were lost under the gigantic headline, though.
"I was just really shocked that this sort of hatred exists on our campus," said Najah El Bash, a sophomore from New York who is one of the leaders of the GWU Muslim Students Association. "You never think this would come so close to home, from people you're in classes with. . . . It's scary." It had to be well-planned, she said, for so many posters to go up so quickly.
GWU President Steven Knapp said in a statement last night, "There is no place for expressions of hatred on our campus." He called the fliers reprehensible and said students of different faiths will be gathering this week for a community meal with Muslims during Ramadan. "This event speaks to our university's commitment to global cultural understanding and respect."
The poster describes "typical" Muslims and says, "To find out more, come to ISLAMO-FASCISM AWARENESS WEEK!!! For more information, contact the GWU Young America's Foundation." Sergio Gor, a senior from Los Angeles who is the president of that group, said he was horrified when he heard about the fliers. "We did not put up those posters," he said. "Someone took our name and used it. It was hateful."

"We're a conservative group on campus," he said. "We promote liberty and freedom, not bigotry and hatred." Gor and others in the group, which has hosted such speakers on campus as Newt Gingrich and John Ashcroft, were to meet last night with the Muslim Students Association and Jewish student leaders to issue a joint statement.
The Young America's Foundation will host Islamo-Fascism Awareness Week, an event organized by two national conservative groups. Gor said writer David Horowitz will speak, "The Path to 9/11," a TV mini-series, will be shown, and there will be a panel discussion featuring people who escaped the regime in Iran. "One gal got flogged 300 times for wearing nail polish," he said.

"It's a complete misunderstanding," he said. "I don't know how you can take that and turn it into, 'We hate Muslims.' We don't. We have Muslims involved in our organizations."
Patrick Coyle, vice president of the Young America's Foundation, which is based in Herndon and sponsors conservative speakers at campuses nationwide, said "it's clear when you look at the flier that this is an obvious attack from the left."

"It shows how desperate they become to try to silence debate on campus," he said. The video that the flier urges people to watch, "The Power of Nightmares," is an attack on the upcoming event, he said.

an interesting article

2007-09-24T14:15:00.000-04:00

You don’t have to meet someone but it’d be nice’
By Farooq Ahmed
Published: September 21 2007 16:38 Last updated: September 21 2007 16:38
Finding a date is hard enough but for many modern Muslims in the west it’s even tougher. Meeting in bars is prohibitively difficult due to Islamic temperance laws. A similar injunction against unmarried Muslim men and women canoodling, or even spending unchaperoned time together, rules out many other forms of dating. And thus, young Muslims find themselves torn between the values of their immigrant parents, who champion semi-arranged or assisted marriages, and the dominant western culture, which prizes “love marriages”, usually preceded by some form of casual dating.
Five years ago, however, the Islamic Society of North America (ISNA) held its first “Matrimonial Banquet” and as a result a form of Muslim speed dating was born.
The banquet is part of a long-running annual convention organised by ISNA, an umbrella organisation for Muslim groups in the US and Canada, similar to the Muslim Council of Britain. Young Muslims, the organisers realised, were already using the event to meet and mingle. Now all that was needed was a little structure and supervision. The banquet followed a matrimonial referral service that had been provided by ISNA. Under the old system, a Middle Eastern Muslim woman living in the Pacific North-west, for example, could comb through folders, sorted by age and geographical location, to obtain the contact information of a 25-year-old, Egyptian engineering student with dark hair and dark eyes, of moderate religiosity, who lived in Seattle. Whether the two would ever meet was entirely up to them.
Ghazala Yasmeen, the director of this year’s Matrimonial Banquet, who is in her 40s and had an arranged marriage in Karachi 18 years ago, says the switch to the event’s current format was made because “People wanted to see each other, face-to-face, not just as slips of paper.”
I am a first-generation south Asian-American Muslim and grew up near Kansas City, Missouri. As I am constantly reminded by my younger sister, I am, at the age of 32, one of the few from my peer group to remain unwed. Our parents raised us in homes that bridged cultures: tacos were as common as chicken curry for dinner. Though observant of Islamic traditions, my parents are by no means dogmatic or conservative. My mother and sister choose not to observe hijab or wear a headscarf, except to enter mosques, where it’s mandatory.
Fourteen years ago, I left the Midwest for the East Coast, at first to attend college. Like many writers, I eventually found my way to Brooklyn.
But this year, over Labor Day weekend at the end of August, I travelled to Chicago to attend the 44th Annual ISNA convention, “Upholding Faith, Serving Humanity”, to check out the Matrimonial Banquet. The conference took place in a massive convention centre and hotel complex near O’Hare airport, bringing tens of thousands of Muslims to the city. (And, I suspect, a number of federal law enforcement agents.)
The convention attracts mainly Sunnis from India and Pakistan but also draws Shi’as, such as myself, Sufis, African, African-American, Arab, and east-Asian Muslims, who come to attend sessions on topics affecting the ummah – the community – such as “Ending US Sponsored Torture”, “Addressing the Root Causes of Terrorism” and “Re-Inventing the Mosque for our Children”.
I last attended the convention more than a decade ago and don’t have pleasant memories. Some friends and I were lured into a subterranean kitchen with the promise of gainful employment. We were paid meagre wages but assured a hefty bonus at the end. We washed dishes, sliced open gallon drums of tomato sauce, and refilled tray-after-tray of halal kebabs, aromatic biryanis and colourful curries.
When the conference finished, we approached our overlord in chef’s whites for our reward. He led us into a backroom that was filled with trays of baklava, honey oozing like sap between layers of crisp filo dough. “Take as much as you want,” he said. I hadn’t been back to the convention since that experience.
But it was then that I found out about the Matrimonial Banquet. The morning of this year’s banquet found me trimming my beard, spiking my hair, slipping on a striped brown, button-down shirt and dark jeans, and exchanging my Adidas trainers for a pair of maroon fake alligator-skin dress shoes. I was going for the Muslim hipster look.
As I entered the lobby of the O’Hare Hyatt, chic low-slung, mid-century modern furniture everywhere, a session had just concluded for the Muslim Youth of North America, a group that provides a forum for Muslim teenagers. The hotel’s cafés and bars were the place to hang out. Alcohol, in deference to sharia, Islamic law, was safely locked up. Bottles of Grey Goose glistened behind glass cabinets, while flocks of boys with feathery facial hair alighted on bar stools and attempted to flirt with girls on the other side of the lobby.
Outside the ballroom, I joined a swelling crowd of professional-looking men and women. Some exchanged business cards and scrawled phone numbers on scraps of paper, getting a jump on the competition. Others stood along the wall, being coached by their mothers; we were told we could bring one chaperone with us, and many had. Among the advice being dispensed, I heard: “Remember, you don’t have to find someone but it would be nice if you did.” “Tell them about your degrees and your family, that is very important, but don’t mention your father’s glaucoma.”
Nearly all 400 of us, an equal number of men and women, had registered online and paid $65 to spend the next four hours with one another. We are to speed-date for two hours, then with the following two hours left for mingling over a pasta meal.
At the check-in desk where I went to pick up my name-tag, stood a line of aunties. “Auntie” is used throughout south Asia as a term of endearment, referring to an older woman who may or may not be a blood relative. Aunties are often stern, judgmental and have an uncanny ability to unman a potential suitor by placing emphasis on a single word. A typical utterance would be: “Yes, yes, he went to graduate college but, dear, he is a writer.”
An auntie had just handed me my baby-blue name tag – the women’s were pink – when I ran into a friend, whom I will call Usman. He was a psychiatrist from the mid-sized Midwestern town where we grew up. Sharply dressed in a dark suit, he had returned to the banquet for a second consecutive year and was one of a handful of participants who had arrived armed with someone else’s success story – inevitably, a neighbour’s cousin or cousin’s neighbour had found his wife at this event a few years ago. Usman himself was looking for his second wife. The first had fled back to Pakistan under somewhat mysterious circumstances.
“Is that what you’re wearing?” he asked in an awkward attempt to be helpful. I joined the queue to enter the ballroom feeling somewhat deflated. As we waited to meet our potential future spouses, Yasmeen’s assistants segregated us by gender, directing the women to one set of doors and the men to another. While this did seem somewhat inauspicious – only moments before we had been socialising as one loud, nervous and confused group – what followed was measurably worse. The assistants began to subdivide each gender by age: 20- to 30-year-olds on one side, 31 and up on another.
I graduated to the latter group a few years ago and reluctantly joined this line of men, most of them significantly older and taller than me.
The women entered the ballroom first and were instructed to sit in groups of five at the neatly arranged circular tables. The men were next, also in groups of five. We filled the empty seats between the women as we joined them.
At the far end of the ballroom, rows of chairs were lined up for the accompanying chaperones. Almost all mothers or sisters, they had been given strict orders not to interfere or further coach their charges until the last hour, when they were free to meet and pass judgment on whomsoever their child or sibling had decided to spend time with. They sat at the back of the room like jurors at a trial.
I chose to go alone to the banquet, although my mother had offered to come. “I’ll just sit in the back. I won’t say a thing,” she promised.
Once we were all seated, we were given simple instructions over the loudspeakers. We would be given five minutes to introduce ourselves, after which the men were to move to the next table and begin the process again. The women were to remain seated. If someone at the table interested us, we could take notes or ask for an e-mail address or phone number, or more decorously, seek them out during dinner.
Typically, US speed dating is a one-on-one, five- to seven-minute “get-to-know-you” session. The origins of the ritual, which took off in the late 1990s, are usually credited to Yaacov Deyo, an orthodox Los Angeles rabbi who was looking for a way to help Jewish singles meet and marry.
As a group affair, the Matrimonial Banquet mimics the way that most Muslim boys and girls socialise, in self-selected, often gender-segregated, cliques. These groups prevent intimate interactions with unrelated members of the opposite sex, which is generally taboo among conservative Muslims. Even if the Chicago banquets appeared different, the goal of Muslim speed dating was distinctly in line with Rabbi Deyo’s original system.
The tables we sat at were themselves bare, save for a white tablecloth, a handful of Hershey’s Kisses chocolates and a lime green flyer from the organisers, thanking us for letting them be a part of “the biggest and most important step in [our] life”. No pressure then.
I had entered the ballroom with four other men – an architect, a bank information technology manager, a software engineer and a school assistant principal – and we got to know each other well as we travelled from table to table.
They were dressed as I was: not formal, not quite casual, but all in western clothes. Some were clean-cut with sharp features and deep-set eyes, others with trim beards and bushy black hair.
At the first table, the women gave us their condensed biographies. There was a Nasa engineer, an ophthalmologist, a schoolteacher, a dentist, and someone who had once portrayed Princess Jasmine from Aladdin at Disneyland. Like us, they were mainly Indian and Pakistani, Egyptian and Saudi, but many more were dressed in non-western garments – sequins trailed from prismatic headscarves that occasionally shimmered in the ballroom’s overhead lights.
Over the next two hours, I met nearly 100 women, averaging about a woman a minute. The faces of the first five are among the few that I remember well, not only because the Nasa engineer had some sort of bouffant squirrel’s nest for hair but also because Princess Jasmine, who looked nothing like the character she had played, was one of the more engaging women I met that Saturday, witty and sarcastic with mischievous eyes.
You might have thought that a table of over-30s would have a relatively easy time conversing. That was not the case. If I added up the moments of uncomfortable silence at the 20 or so tables I visited, I could easily have made the time to meet another 50 women. Not that that would have helped conversation.
In our allotted five minutes at each table, four were spent introducing ourselves to the group. Over the course of two hours, these became pared down to a few relevant nouns: “Farooq, writer, Brooklyn, 32.” Many women asked the men about their age but, out of politeness, few men asked the women.
How you used the remaining minute relied on a quick calculation: which of the two women seated next to you seemed most interesting based solely on her appearance and the four words she used to described herself.
I realised that I could increase my chance of success if I scouted ahead, jockeying for position as we switched tables. Often, this technique paid off. I met an assistant professor of pharmacology from New Mexico with whom I shared an interest in experiencing Chicago’s nightlife.
As we switched tables, I found the “résumés” of my competitors lying around, several printed on expensive linen paper, watermarked with complex floral arrangements. Almost all were from foreign-born software professionals. One e-mail username, no doubt customised for the event, read: greatcompanion. For once in my life, I was glad that I’d come relatively unprepared.
The suitors described themselves in categories that included education, profession and religion, but also languages (English and Urdu); sect (Shi’a or Sunni); family values (“moderate”); religiosity (“I do observe prayers regularly and fast during Ramadan”); family background (“We are five brothers and one sister”); and “about you” sections. One specified that a future wife should be able to “laugh at my lame jokes”, which I think should be mandatory for all spouses, regardless of religion, religiosity, sect, family values – or even gender.
When the rotations finally came to an end in the early evening, between the late afternoon (Asr) and evening (Maghrib) prayers, a sense of relief swept through the ballroom. We lined up for our buffet-style dinner of pasta, fruit salad and apple pie. This time, the elders went first.
Somewhat to my surprise, a quarter of the attendees re-segregated into male and female groups during dinner, perhaps exhausted by the constant barrage from members of the opposite sex.
Carrying a plateful of lukewarm pasta, I searched for Princess Jasmine and a writer/filmmaker that I had met towards the end of the rotations. We had discovered that the writer lived in Brooklyn and had attended the West Coast version of my East Coast alma mater. During the earlier table-hopping portion of the evening, we had been about to exchange phone numbers when time was called.
When I finally spotted them, both Princess Jasmine and the writer had men queuing up on either side as if they were minor celebrities signing autographs. The pharmacology professor had already left for the evening – the lights of downtown Chicago beckoned.
I met up again with Usman, the psychiatrist. He was sitting across the ballroom at a table of young men. At 30, he was one of the oldest in his group. Despite his sleek attire, he hadn’t fared any better than he had at last year’s event.
For those with the energy, the Matrimonial Banquet went on for another day and in the same format with, I suspected, a lot of the same faces. Usman had registered and paid for both Saturday and Sunday and would return, he said, to keep trying to find wife number two.
As much as I admired his perseverance, I flew back early the next day. Although the banquet proved that there are many attractive, intelligent Muslim women and men seeking alternative ways to meet and, eventually, marry, I came away thinking that, for me, there were better ways to find a match – that is to say, ways that were less supervised or structured.
But, at the very least, I had returned to Brooklyn with a few promising telephone numbers and e-mail addresses, instead of a handful of warm baklava, like I had the last time.

all's fair in..

2007-09-23T17:54:00.000-04:00

Relationships are so utterly complicated. I have in the past gone through my fair share of heartbreak but never really took the time to understand what it was that didn’t work. Was it our values? Was it our inherent inability to compromise our individualism for the sake of a future marriage? Was it a lack of attraction? It was too painful to revisit the causes of failure and hence every successive relationship became all the more difficult to be oneself as it reopened wounds. The more one shares without having a commitment, the more vulnerable one becomes. But when you really fall in love, all those things- the heartache, the sacrifices, the happiness, the sadness- all those intangible things are well worth it because you know you share them with someone who believes in the same destination for the both of you.

For a long time, I had given up on the notion that that love existed for me to experience. My few glimpses of failed relationships left me believing that love was not mine to share in. I’m finding out ‘twas not the case. And it wasn’t to be found in the gifts given or the wonderful flowers sent. It was found in the ability to coax me out of the insecurities, the voicemails that include bits of shared sentiments, the long conversations where you can share your dreams and know that someone will be there to support you and the lifelong commitment to make each other content. It took some time but it was there waiting for me.

O you who believe! Fasting is prescribed for you as it was prescribed for those before you, that you may become pious

2007-09-13T14:18:00.000-04:00

And so begins that auspicious month, when all can be forgiven, when all can be restrained from evil and all can ask for guidance. Let us devour all the blessings God beseeches us to take from Him this month.

There's hidden sweetness in the stomach’s emptiness.
We are lutes, no more, no less.
If the soundbox is stuffed full of anything, no music.
If the brain and the belly are burning clean with fasting,
every moment a new song comes out of the fire.
The fog clears, and new energy makes you run up the steps in front of you.
Be emptier and cry like reed instruments cry.
Emptier, write secrets with the reed pen.
When you’re full of food and drink,
Satan sits where your spirit should,
an ugly metal statue in place of the Kaaba.
When you fast, good habits gather like friends who want to help.
Fasting is Solomon’s ring. Don’t give it to some illusion and lose your power,
but even if you have, if you’ve lost all will and control,
they come back when you fast, like soldiers appearing out of the ground,
pennants flying above them.
A table descends to your tents, Jesus’s table.
Expect to see it, when you fast, this table spread with other food, better than the broth of cabbages.
- Rumi

UVA Student-Cartoonist Forced to Quit

2007-09-12T12:19:00.000-04:00

The WashPost had an article this morning about a UVA student cartoonist, Grant Woolard, from the Cavalier Daily forced to resign for having drawn a cartoon mocking the famine in Ethiopia called "Ethiopian Food Fight." Upon first look, the cartoon is not that offensive. It calls to question the fact that these people are not fighting over food as the cartoon's title might suggest, but rather over chairs and branches because there is NO food to fight over! I think if people don't know the context it would be offensive and hence his removal from the paper. But I think he brings up a valid point that we as students and more widely as Americans are so oblivious to the tragedies in other parts of the world, that when a cartoon brings it to our attention, we are then forced to open up a dialogue about political correctness and human tragedies. Woolard in his defence says: "I was not trying to trivialize famine. When you have a food fight, you fight with food. This cartoon brings you to the realization that there's a famine . . . and in general, people give very little thought to starving people in other countries." Perhaps the students of UVA overlooked his agenda.

Someone Provide a Formula

2007-09-10T17:47:00.000-04:00

Why do relationships have to be so difficult? There is so much to consider and everyone is all too willing to give their opinion and expect you to take it seriously. There are religious values, morals, attraction, professional ambition, in-laws, kids, finances, location, distance, and 100 more things to be mindful of when you enter an agreement to go forward in a relationship that hopefully stands to become a commitment. Is it always easy? NO. Would it be rewarding if it were? Perhaps not, but it sure would reduce the stress level. I want someone to have a website for Muslim relationships that formulates for me, if he fits this profile and has this many # of siblings + earns this much and is this tall, he'll be good for you! If only... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

A Lesson in Entrepreneurship

2007-09-10T17:43:00.000-04:00

I never knew why L paid so much for her Ouidad care..perhaps this explains it better. I can't imagine paying that much to take care of your hair but some people swear by her :)

NEW YORK — Some people manage to become such a bigger-than-life presence in their field that they become generally recognized simply by their first name. Emeril in food. Oprah on the talk-show circuit. Valentino in fashion.
And in the world of caring for curly hair: Ouidad.

A loyal following of ringlet-adorned women around the globe are intimately familiar with the Ouidad (WEE-dod) line of specialized hair care products and Ouidad's frizz-reducing hair-cutting technique known — and trademarked — as Carving and Slicing.
In Ouidad Wise, these women have an ally — as well as compatriot with personal experience — in battling distressing tresses. Lebanon-born Ouidad, 50, describes the long, thick, curly hair of her youth as a "mop head."

Even after moving to the USA with her family at age 16 and getting a job at a Rhode Island hair salon, Ouidad had a tough time taming her mane. In learning to care for her own hair, she began developing a professional specialty for conquering curls.
By her early 20s, Ouidad says, she established a reputation as a go-to hair stylist for curls and worked for Broadway shows, advertising-agency photo shoots and fashion magazine spreads.

A difficult leap of faith
At 26, she opened a salon dedicated solely to the care of wavy, kinky or curly hair.
But that entrepreneurial leap proved difficult.
Beauty editors warned her there was no market for her concept. "They said, 'You might as well throw your money away,' " says Ouidad.
And bankers scoffed when she tried to get financing. Raising money "was very difficult," she says. "I had to borrow from friends and family — a thousand here and a thousand there — to build the business."

She ultimately also was able to obtain a loan from the U.S. Small Business Administration and, in 1984, she and husband Peter Wise opened a 1,200-square-foot Ouidad Salon in New York City.
A little more than two decades later, Ouidad has built curls into a multimillion-dollar hair business that also includes hair products and professional training. Among her roles:
•Lead stylist. In 2004, she moved from that first salon to a sleek, 5,000-square-foot space in Midtown Manhattan. The operation has 15 full-time employees and a clientele that includes women who travel from as far as Italy, Argentina and Israel for the services of Ouidad and her staff. And it includes about 20% men.
•Trainer. She's made a brisk business out of training haircutters from around the country in her Carving and Slicing technique. Beauticians pay $2,000 for a course to become Ouidad Certified in styling curly hair and take those skills back home. Their salons are now able to offer Ouidad Certified services for curly hair and sell Ouidad products.
•Inventor. She works with chemists to create products that soothe unruly tresses.
"I started out mixing (drugstore-bought) products, and then I went into a lab with chemists," Ouidad says. Her namesake line has more than 20 products such as shampoos, conditioners and gels. It also includes a KRLY Kids brand designed for children.
•Author. Her Curl Talk is a book of tips on how to not end up with a poofy-haired Roseanne Roseannadanna look.
•Philanthropist. A breast cancer survivor who lost her mother to the disease, Ouidad started a fundraising plan called Curls for a Cure. The company matches client donations and has raised more than $136,000.

Making a name
At 5-foot-9 with a neatly styled wave of shoulder-length dark hair, Ouidad comes across as combination hostess and hair evangelist as she makes her way through her flagship salon.
Between greeting clients, she proudly shows off the salon layout: an out-of-the-way section for chemical treatments, a window-lined cutting section that gets lots of natural light and a waiting room dotted with spiral-haired women waiting their turn.
Ouidad does not hesitate to run her fingers through the hair of anyone in the place (including a reporter). And she's not shy about staking her claim as a trailblazer in specialty hair care — or talking about her personal obsession with curls.
"I think there are only two hours a day that I'm awake and don't talk about hair," she says.
That passion and outgoing, take-charge personality have made her a name in the hair care industry.
"She's a pioneer," says Michelle Breyer, a co-founder of NaturallyCurly.com, a hair-focused social network site that draws about 200,000 unique visitors a month. "Ouidad is to be applauded. She was out there talking the talk before anyone else."
Her success also drew the attention of business suitors. One, JH Partners, which has investments in consumer-driven companies such as Design Within Reach, Peet's Coffee & Tea and Bare Escentuals cosmetics, was intrigued enough to buy an undisclosed majority stake in her company in June, though she continues to be chairman.
Ouidad's unbridled enthusiasm helped seal the deal, says JH senior partner Michael John. That, and her company's sales.
"Our interest only grew after we met Ouidad and we learned that she was generating in excess of $10 million in revenue (a year)," he says.
And that was with limited distribution. Ouidad's signature cuts and treatments are available at the flagship salon and eight affiliated salons outside New York City. Her products are sold only at those salons, on Ouidad.com and on Amazon.com.
With its investment, JH plans to expand Ouidad's training services, add salons (next up: the Los Angeles area) and get into direct selling using infomercials and segments on TV home-shopping channels.

Getting some help
While Ouidad as chairman remains the creative force and face of the company, JH brought in Hillary Solomon as CEO to manage the financial side and build marketing buzz around Ouidad the person and Ouidad the brand.
"One of my top priorities is driving awareness for Ouidad, making her the star and getting people to know who she is," says Solomon, whose experience includes beauty company Frédéric Fekkai and L'Oreal's Kiehl's.
Beyond the financial rewards, Ouidad says she's thrilled by the opportunity to leave behind some of her operational duties and focus on cutting techniques, training and creating products. "I don't have to do the CFO work and the HR work anymore."
In return, JH has a beachhead in a growth area of the hair care market.
According to researcher Packaged Facts, overall hair-care product sales were $7.2 billion in 2005, up 3.9% from the previous year. It projects they will top $7.8 billion this year and $8.5 billion by 2010.
Outpacing the overall market, however, are conditioners, gels, mousse and holding sprays — key elements in Ouidad's product line. The market for those products formulated specifically for curly hair is taking off.
"Hair companies have finally opened up to the fact that more than half the population has curly hair," says NaturallyCurly.com's Breyer. "Its not like that market wasn't here. It's just that companies have a growing awareness (of the business opportunity)."
Last year, 166 products for curly hair were launched, up 131% from 2005, according to Datamonitor's Productscan Online.
Returning customers
One major business draw, Breyer says, is that women with curly hair typically buy more styling potions than their straight-haired sisters. "Anecdotally, the average person on our site uses at least three products a day — not counting shampoo and conditioner."
And when a woman with hard-to-manage hair finds a product or stylist she likes, she tends to be fiercely brand-loyal, Breyer says.
JH's John says many of Ouidad's clients fit that description. Internal research showed that customers return repeatedly for cuts and products. "You love seeing that as an investor," he says.
While some of Ouidad's prices may seem a bit hair-raising — women's cuts start at $125 and a 4-ounce bottle of conditioning Deep Treatment goes for $30 — Ouidad's business model also has shown that people will pay a premium for her specialized hair care.
Elizabeth Repoli — a blond mom who took an hour-long bus ride from her Riverdale, N.Y., home to the Manhattan salon on a recent day — says Ouidad's products and signature haircuts are worth the price.
A five-year customer of the Ouidad salon, she had just had a trim by Ouidad stylist Anila Poreci.
"I really trust what they're going to do," she says. She paid $135 for her cut — and that didn't include the shopping bag of styling products she splurged on.
"The investment is worth it," she says. "My hair looks and feels great."

achy breaky bones

2007-09-06T09:48:00.000-04:00

I am officially sore. Between running 18 miles, driving more than 700 miles in total this weekend and taking a spinning class yesterday- my back aches, my feet ache, my butt hurts as do my shoulders but it’s all worth it I suppose because I feel healthy and alive and testing my physical bounds to all its known limits. Ofcourse I’m all bruised up and have found random blue and black marks all over my legs and arms. I remind myself, it’ll be worth it..it’ll all be worth it for multiple reasons :)

If you are a meat-eater, then you can't be an environmentalist.

2007-08-30T12:47:00.001-04:00

There's a new conditional statement for you. Apparently you can't be both. Transporting meat expends more greenhouse gases than does driving a Hummer. So how does PETA plan on protesting..putting a man in a chicken costumer driving a Hummer when the White House Climate Forum begins on Sept. 27th..

Good thing I have gone vegan (at least 6 days of the week).

Happy Labor Day..unless you're working

2007-08-30T11:29:00.000-04:00

Wish me luck this Labor Day Weekend..it's going to be a busy one. Can't tell you why just yet but you can guess. Let's just say Ma and Pa will be grilling some folks that come to the house. I still have to write extensively on Pres. Bush and our lovely dethroned Attorney General. Throw them to the fire and let 'em burn. I wonder if these people feel like they will be answerable to a higher being when they're lying and deceiving the citizenry. I'm assuming they don't. So will write after I get over my nerves for the coming weekend.

Will Get to a Post

2007-08-24T16:53:00.000-04:00

I will eventually get to posting my reaction to Pres. Bush's speech that "tried" to make a case for Iraq is our new Vietnam...boy is it! Yeah wonder-fu*k, it is and we have you to blame.

Congrats Avi & Koel

2007-08-23T17:57:00.001-04:00

My friend Aviral & Koel just welcomed their first child, Shaurya Vir into the world...Just like Koel said she wanted, a powerful name indeed it seems...although I don't know as of yet what it means. Ofcourse that child will now cost them $243, 765 according to Avi's NPV calculation and 100 IRR%. Hmm.. I might rethink wanting to have 5 of those! Congrats to them- may he be the light of his parent's eyes.

(Let me know Avi if you want this pic taken down)

Wounded America

2007-08-22T09:02:00.001-04:00

A very disturbing look through images on the American victims of the war in Iraq.

Thoughts, Part II

2007-08-21T09:28:00.000-04:00

Thoughts are getting complicated as the weeks go forward and I’m neither or here nor there…sort of how I felt after 9/11.. neither American nor Pakistani..just lost. Obviously the feeling of alienation is not as intense, partly because this is not an egregious situation, unless one considers the state of New Jersey to be egregious, in which case, I would agree. Firstly, I have not been getting adequate sleep- partly due to circumstance which would be the fault of my bed and partly due to choice which is the fault of one I.K. The latter excuse I could forgive. The bed not so. I had trouble with the mattress and when it wasn’t the mattress’ fault, it was my pillow. Hence the addiction to Tylenol Back & Body last month. I have gotten lots of advice on how to make do with the bad mattress which includes buying a feather cover which sits on top of the mattress to make it fluffier. I might opt for that. I have for now though brought my trusty pillow from home which is certainly helping. I realized when you don’t get proper sleep, all is not well and painkillers can only make it so much better.

Next is the isolation/boredom. I am living without the following: TV/internet/gym/radio. I feel like I’m in the remote woods somewhere and not Jersey. Part of my reasoning for not investing in TV/internet is that they are distracting which is precisely why I miss it. This weekend I watched TV after a long time and missed watching The Hills on MTV, my favorite indulgence. I will get to purchasing a TV but only after Ramadan which was my initial promise so that I actually concentrate on spirituality..however that is becoming hard to do because there is absolutely no background noise which I like. Oh well. I’ve become better at occupying myself with crosswords, books and ofcourse endless hours on my cell phone (I’m sure Verizon is happy).

I suppose moreso than anything is the lack of being surrounded by close family and friends who make this world better. It is the interactions with people that make up your experiences rather than any material good (which although can be a good substitute for people from time to time) and which makes for your memories. You can’t really ‘get over’ not being close to those people but you can try and create a new social circle that will share in your world for the time that you occupy. Despite not having done so yet, I will put more of an effort as time passes on. Fortunately, the one I.K. has made this experience a bit less sad and someone I look forward in getting to know. After having said all this, anyone want to get me a TV?

Thoughts, Part I

2007-08-14T13:17:00.000-04:00

Am in Chicago for the week for training. It’s been going well although my fears were realized when I saw someone I recognized and vice versa while walking on Wacker Drive. Thankfully it was just a momentary stare and not occasion enough for a stop and chit-chat. The past month or so has been a bit hectic between traveling to see family down South, friends’ weddings, informally getting together with friends to say good-bye before I moved up to Jersey and then finally moving up to Jersey to settle in and start work. Its been a bit overwhelming both emotionally and physically. The change of scenery, the loss of constant companionship in the form of my parents, the strangeness of Jersey highways, the loneliness of a new place that’s not yet fully decorated has all made for a lot of soul-searching, on the meaning of ‘moving on’ and the opportunity to find professional satisfaction. Along the way, I’ve also been pleasantly surprised by people and things. I have been serenaded on the phone, been asked to contribute to meaningful verses to lyrics with my limited knowledge of Urdu, have listened in on a concert in London via phone, have been visited by cousins who used my place as resting ground before going on to experience Adventure and shared their enthusiasm for my little abode, have had more meaningful conversations with my dad over the phone than in years past when I lived with him, and have had my fair share of fun at local area malls. I suppose becoming an adult has its share of growing pains which is what I was most scared of..and admittedly still am. Perhaps I’m a little less reluctant to face the future starting here, starting now.

back to Chitown

2007-08-10T18:44:00.000-04:00

I'm off to Chicago for the second time in an as many weeks. Hopefully this time I will confine myself to downtown where I won't be privy to the traffic snarl that sucks my energy when I go there. Ofcourse I also don't care to run into a couple of people that I know work right in downtown. I have so much to write from the past 4 weeks (it's been that many weeks since I'll have been in Jersey..God save us all). I'll post once I'm there and am set with internet connection with kudos from Hotel Blake. Until then enjoy this pic of downtown Chicago taken last week from the ferris wheel in Navy Pier.

Railing on Jersey, What I do Best

2007-08-07T13:03:00.000-04:00

Its that time to provide a weekly report of yet more things I understand about Jersey that explain its strangeness.

- Bergen County apparently has instated Blue Laws which means all malls and places of consumeristic behavior are closed on Sundays. Since when was Jersey such a Christian state? Why is it on the weekend when you are free, are the malls closed and in Jersey of all places?
- There are a million gas stations because you freakin’ have to make U-turns when you want to get anywhere. You literally have to plan which stores you will visit on each side of the highway.
- I’ll maintain that the drivers are not the safest. They will back up in the middle of the highway to take a missed exit. Why, because you have to proceed to the next exit, only to turn around on the other side to come back again to the right side. I too would make such a move if I WERE CRAZY!
- So I’ll concede that the people are still nice, perhaps New Yorker wannabes sans the attitude. A little bizarre, but generally nice and helpful.

I guess you can try explaining the bizarre little by little.

Just Lovely

2007-08-02T09:41:00.000-04:00

"With the Aug. 1 collapse of a highway bridge in Minneapolis and a massive steam pipe blast in New York City a few weeks ago, the state of this country's infrastructure is worth some heated debate. The American Society of Civil Engineers has estimated that more than 27% of the country's bridges are "structurally deficient or functionally obsolete."

Forget any terrorist attacks, more damage to our infrastructure will be because of poor structural issues. That's something to ponder as I cross the GW Bridge on any given day.

Pinstripes and all

2007-08-01T14:08:00.000-04:00

Have been meaning to post but a lack of sleep has prevented me from functioning properly. At least last night, it was worth it. Went to Yankees Stadium in hopes that A-Rod would hit his 500th homer and I would be privy to catching (yes even in the 4th tier, I had hopes). But alas that didn't happen, although he was close twice! But the Yankees did manage to set another record, slugging 8 homers by 7 different players, the most for the Yankees since they've played in 1903. It was a fun game to watch and always something to cheer about in every inning. Sadly enough though, The House that Ruth Built will come down in spring of '09 when the new stadium officially opens. Perhaps that is why the All-Star Game will be held next year there.

Hopefully the Bronx Bombers can remain our last bastion of untainted sports icons!

Sports is Taking a Beating

2007-07-25T22:54:00.000-04:00

The sports world is reeling from quite a bid of bad news lately. They're not the most ethically challenged people but certainly their actions merit more attention because sports has become such a large part of our social/pop culture. The latest news from the Tour de France is that Michael Rasmussen, the yellow jersey winner for today's stage, was removed from Team Rabobank (Dutch) for failing to report for two seperate random drug tests. Despite not failing any tests while on the Tour, he was caught lying internally to his team. Might have cost him a presitigious Tour win..shoulda thought about that one buddy.

Along the same lines, a BALCO chemist admits that he gave Barry Bonds all sorts of steroids over the course of their tenuous relationship. Ofcourse Bonds is silent as he is vying for Hank Aaron's all-time homerun record. His will be a tarnished legacy if he is indicted and convicted..much like Pete Rose.

Then we have the basketball referee drama. Tim Donaghy, a veteran referee of 13 years was recently indicted by the FBI for placing bets on games, including some he officiated and for providing inside information to others for profit over the last two seasons. Ouch. Apparently David Stern's legacy is on the line. Forget that he tenured over the NBA during the Michael Jordan/Chicago Bulls era. The issue at hand is whether other referees have been a part of this scam or is Donaghy an isolated greedy fool. Tune in.

I guess when you have overinflated egos and athletes paid absurd amounts to perform at such a high level, it's only a matter of time when things start falling apart.

The First 72

2007-07-24T20:34:00.000-04:00

I miss home. This sucks. My first 72 hours in New Jersey have been fairly uneventful. I wanted there to be some drama just so I can talk trash about this state but so far everyone's been really friendly, including the gas attendant uncles, Nordstrom sales folks, my apartment leasing ladies, and ofcourse my colleagues. Damn it I wanted to hate this place. I guess I still have plenty of time to find annoying people. Oh wait, the drivers! The worst I have ever seen- no indicators, cutting in ettiquette and constantly on their cell phones. See there was someone to rail against. More to come as I settle in.

48 hours

2007-07-21T03:09:00.001-04:00

countdown to the move to jersey stands at less than 48 hours. ay dios mio caballero andante de la mancha prestame tu bravura y paciencia.(translation: oh dear holy knight-errant of la mancha lend me some of your bravery and patience).

ripped from the headlines

2007-07-18T11:46:00.000-04:00

Rugged American individualism could hinder our ability to understand other peoples' point of view. Why is it that we're funding such research? Shit any colored person in American could have told you this. Read below:

Corey Binns

Special to LiveScience

Rugged American individualism could hinder our ability to understand other peoples' point of view, a new study suggests.

And in contrast, the researchers found that Chinese are more skilled at understanding other people's perspectives, possibly because they live in a more "collectivist" society.
"This cultural difference affects the way we communicate," said study co-author and cognitive psychologist Boaz Keysar of the University of Chicago.

The study, though oversimplified compared to real life, was instructive. Keysar and his colleagues arranged two blocks on a table so participants could see both. However, a piece of cardboard obstructed the view of one block so a "director," sitting across from the participant, could only see one block.

When the director asked 20 American participants (none of Asian descent) to move a block, most were confused as to which block to move and did not take into account the director's perspective. Even though they could have deduced that, from the director's seat, only one block was on the table.

Most of the 20 Chinese participants, however, were not confused by the hidden block and knew exactly which block the director was referring to. While following directions was relatively simple for the Chinese, it took Americans twice as long to move a block.
"That strong, egocentric communication of Westerners was nonexistent when we looked at Chinese," Keysar said. "The Chinese were very much able to put themselves in the shoes of another when they were communicating."

The results are detailed in the July issue of the journal Psychological Science.
Collectivist societies, such as the Chinese, place more value on the needs of the group and less on the autonomy of the individual. In these societies, understanding other peoples' experiences is a more critical social skill than it is among typically more individualist Americans.
Gross oversimplification

"Of course, these are very gross oversimplifications," said Keysar. "Even in America, you can find collectivist societies. For example, working class people tend to be much more collective."
Culture appears to direct our eyes to read others' emotions, too.

Psychologists at Hokkaido University in Japan have found that Japanese gaze at the shape of a person's eyes, while Americans focus on the mouth. When people from the two cultures interact, these crisscrossed sightlines can lead to miscommunication.

"We all know people from different cultures are different. This is not new. But what research is now showing is how they're different and what are the implications," Keysar told LiveScience. "If we are aware of how we think differently, this can go a long way toward not allowing these differences to get in the way of reaching mutual understanding."

doomsday, but i remain optimistic

2007-07-09T22:47:00.000-04:00

A lot has happened in the world over the past week. Islamabad has seen unrest unlike its ever been through before where mullahs are dressed in burqas to sneak past the Pakistani commandos, Alan Johnston has been freed thanks to the 'negotiation' efforts by Hamas, wildfires raging in the North/South west due to a lack of rain, Iraqis are killing on average 22/people per day for the past 6 months, Lebanon is still under siege and so go the stories.

I really don't know where I was going with these depressing stories..oh wait I know, we're all fuc*ed directly or indirectly.

And among his signs for the nearness of the Day of Judgment:
[1] the leadership of fools, [2] the proliferation of police / government agents, [3] the selling of judgement, [4] blood being taken lightly, [5] severance of [ties of] kinship, [6] people who will take the Qur’an as music, sending ahead one of them to sing for them, even though he may be least of them in knowledge/understanding [of the religion]- [Ahmad, Tabarani]

TWO for the Road

2007-07-09T09:33:00.000-04:00

Tai-Shan, the panda cub born to Mei Xiang at the National Zoo here in Washington is two today. Aww baby, I'll miss you!

Mommy Dearest

2007-06-28T23:30:00.000-04:00

Mother's Day has long passed but our reverance for moms is/should be a daily routine. I was pleasantly surprised when this article appeared in the NYTimes today about Mommy Truly being the Dearest. I hold my mom in high regards. She has nurtured me into the young woman I am today. Ofcourse my dad has had a good bit in my upbringing, encouraging me to become a professional in my field, pushing me towards a career path. But mothers inject us with the emotional life-blood that sustains us, that helps us to push through during those ultimate 'life gets you down' moments or phases. Its no surprise then that with advances in technology, mothers have become more woven into our intimate daily goings-on. I call my mother on average twice a day besides the fact that I live with her. I say this now because as I move up in
3 weeks' time, I suspect I will be calling her a lot more to discuss pleasantries and the mundane.

"The real religion of the world comes from women much more than from men - from mothers most of all, who carry the key of our souls in their bosoms."

drink up a storm

2007-06-28T00:16:00.000-04:00

Surah Baqarah: 2:219 “Say: In them is a great sin, and (some) benefit for men, but the sin of them is greater than their benefit."

Why do I bring up this verse in the context of drinking alcohol? Because an interesting situation presented itself. As I navigate what is/isn’t acceptable to me in a life partner, in turn things like drinking, dating and thoughts on family and past relationship issues have come up. I have done the best to come to my own reasoning of how I want to pursue a search for a compatible mate, one that will complement my own upbringing and will share enough interests both religious and otherwise to create a fulfilling married life. In that quest, I’ve had to question my own moral standing on issues which I believe make for that fulfilling married life I so care to have. Those issues include a past upbringing that has had a place for culture alongside with religion including prayer and fasting as well as the lesser adherence to certain religious norms which have come to include the rejection of alcohol and pork. In creating these norms and in trying to find a mate, it is certainly a hard balance to find someone who is both aware of his religious obligations but is willing to compromise on stricter social norms. I have had to thus set a boundary for what is worth compromising for in an otherwise acceptable relationship and what is not. Ergo I have moved on.

..ready to be extraordinary

2007-06-24T20:30:00.000-04:00

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end. That line has always stuck in my head from when I was moving out of the dorms freshman year. Pakeeza and I looked at each other knowing we had shared an extraordinary journey as two girls who stumbling into adulthood and realized it was time for both of us to move on, each in our own direction. And we did. No hard feelings. And so this July, I’ll embark on a new beginning, one that will have me living on my own, fending for myself and perhaps creating a new social circle; one that involves revisiting old friendships and others that will require me to open up once again to let new people in. DC became so comfortable. I found people I liked, hung onto them and never let go. Moving requires changing, adapting and perhaps even socializing with strangers (gasp) which doesn’t come easily for me anymore.

I had longed for this opportunity for quite some time. An opportunity that would give me freedom, put me on par with my colleagues, challenge me to move forward in my career, allow me to meet wonderful colleagues, work in a company that had room for growth. And all of this I will find in this next phase. Except it means I have to leave everything I have known to be normal and comfortable. In DC I found a city that was navigable, full of cultural lessons both personal and professional, the city of my first crush and stalking episodes and ofcourse where I found and cultivated fulfilling friendships. I don’t plan on leaving those behind now that I am moving but it is hard to come to the realization that normalcy will not consist of creating last minute plans to meet in Dupont to catch a movie, or catch an early morning breakfast at the Four Seasons, or sit in on random policy briefings at the Brookings or just walk through Woodley Park on my way to Adams Morgan. I will miss the neighborhoods but more importantly I will miss the people with whom those neighborhoods became alive with memories.

Moreover, the life I had created by living at home with my parents will be the toughest to overcome. There was an extraordinary ease to which my day progressed. One that included seeing them in the morning while Ammi made eggs and toast and I ate Raisin Bran. Saying goodbye as the three of us headed in different directions. Getting a call from each of them around 1pm to see how the day was progressing and to figure out what we were going to cook for the day. Coming home to a stove where either I was cooking aloo/matter (peas and potatoes) or Ammi was making karhai or Abbu was making his famous chicken stew. Then knowing whichever one of us didn’t cook would wash the dishes. I then proceeded to retreat upstairs to my room and Ammi and Abbu watched Geo TV. And although there wasn’t a heap of interactions, knowing I was in their presence and they in mine, gave us each a sense of peace that we were under one roof. I suppose you can only cherish these moments for so long as someone who wishes success in their career and longs to move along in the process. I too will look back at these last few years and understand where it fits in the retrospect of my life.

Another lyric comes to mind as I begin this new chapter, “and now I’m ready, and now I’m ready..ready to be..extraordinary.”

Headlines that Speak for Themselves

2007-06-10T23:56:00.000-04:00

Why does this headline not surprise me coming from a recognizably Jewish senator. Minutes later, I learn that Ronald Lauder of Estee Lauder fame will be the new president of the World Jewish Congress, an institution that sets the agenda for Jewdom, promises to support [illegal] land development in Israel. And some minutes afterwards, I read that Norm Finkelstein, himself a Jew, was denied tenureship at DePaul because he incited Anti-Semitism, accusing Jews of exploiting the Holocaust for monetary gains, for which the University Board on Promotion and Tenure decided caused too much ancilliary raucous which the school didn't need.

The inequity is in the pudding. These articles speak for themselves. My observations are merely reactionary to such news.

De-nied Nadal style

2007-06-10T23:45:00.000-04:00

Someone up there doesn't agree that Federer should win the French Open, to which I gladly say- oui! Rafael Nadal won his 3rd straight French Open final after a dismal showing by Federer who is usually (admittedly) very sharp. At least I was happy for one day! Lets hope this momentum lasts Nadal through to Wimbledon where he has yet to win. Bloody Swiss.

Cleveland, she is a sight (for sore eyes)

2007-05-30T23:37:00.000-04:00

Two words: Cleveland sucks. No offense to the Cavs or the Indians or the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, all of which are respectable entities in an unrespectable city. If this is what middle-America is like, please allow me to stay God-willing on the east coast. For a sizable city to be so tourist-unfriendly; crummy sidewalks (literally, in crumbs), bums in front of a major shopping complex that included the Ritz Carlton and Louis Vuitton and hardly any taxis to get around the city (on a major holiday) is reason enough to never visit Cleveland again. And to boot, a major sports final taking place in a city not known for stellar teams still didn’t bring out the crowds.

Cleveland is not the first nor the last American city to face these issues. They’ve got plenty of good things that would I assume give impetus to the growth spurt of downtown renovation including good surrounding colleges, a bustling suburb with many professionals, plenty of major banks, and a city government that is exceptionally open to innovation. But with few options to reside in downtown, fewer cultural incentives and poverty aplenty- I see why Cleveland is struggling to attract the type of people that Charlotte, Atlanta and Austin have done so well.

Perhaps LeBron and a trophy can change what 30 years of blighted city government couldn’t.

Note to Self: Don't Hug..at least not in Pakistan

2007-05-25T00:20:00.000-04:00

This is the hug that was seen 'round the world and which forced the Federal Tourism Minister to resign. Nilofar Bakhtiar, Pakistan's Tourism Minister was pictured wearing a brightly coloured jumpsuit and hugging her instructor after a tandem jump to raise money for child victims of the earthquake that struck Pakistan in October 2005. So much for doing a good deed.

This image provoked the wrath of clerics in Islamabad, who accused Bakhtiar of posing in an obscene manner and violating the Islamic moral norms. With the morality police in full force, exercising their vice squad, Bakhtiar was forced to resign almost immediately, without support from the government who feared the repercussions of any definitive verbal defense of her record or morality.

A religious court set up by the clerics at a radical mosque in Islamabad issued a fatwa (religious edict) against Bakhtiar when the photographs first appeared in local newspapers last month. They urged the government to punish her and fire her from the Cabinet. Bakhtiar failed to win the support of Cabinet colleagues and the government appeared to cave in to the demands of the militants.

I was appalled at first given how many hugs I've indulged in lately but the climate of Pakistan today as such leads me to believe she should have been more cautious despite her enthusiasm after the skydive. Its truly unfortunate that while a transsexual talk show host in Pakistan, seen by millions of viewers receives no formal complaints in the current fundo climate, photos like this can cause a minister (who jumped for a charitable cause) to abandon her position. The pulls of extremism are at work again.

MCM: 10.26.07

2007-05-16T11:58:00.000-04:00

I signed up for my 3rd Marine Corps Marathon and the goal is to complete it in 5:15. I hope I don't sound ridiculous. When I signed up for my first marathon, it was on a whim. I completed it in over 6 and a half hours with one of my best friends at my side training simultaneously. It was something we accomplished together. The second time I signed up it was to fulfill some recess of my ego to know that I didn't finish the first one by sheer luck. I trained for it alone on the dusty gravel path of the C&O canal. I finished the second one in just under 6, with my parents waiting at the finish line. My motivation for running it a 3rd time is purely to test my willpower. I've faced some emotional stresses in the past year, personally and professionally and running is my way to prove to everyone, mostly importantly myself, my perseverance will prevail despite all the obstacles in my way. Running is my one pure selfish act (maybe one of several selfish acts..you get the point). I prove to no one other than me that I can finish 26.2 miles.

Semper Fi!

blasted american democracy

2007-05-09T00:15:00.000-04:00

I feel like venting tonight and would like to state for the record, the vile war mongerer, double-standard upholding twisted neocon Paul Wolfowitz needs to step down from the World Bank. And if our less than sane president supports his tenure, just like he has with the filthy Alberto Gonzales, then it basically means we're all stupid. How do I come to that conclusion. We appointed Bush and he appointed his lackeys. Conditionally execution then would conclude, we appointed them, no? Hence, we are stupid. Well not me, I voted for Nader. Yea you other stupid people, I'm talking about you.

The Reluctant Fundamentalist

2007-05-03T21:05:00.000-04:00

It seems everyone is throwing in their two cents about The Reluctant Fundamentalist, so why shouldn't I. It is the new novel by Mohsin Hamid, of Mothsmoke fame. I was quite surprised that it was given prominent shelf spaceage in not one but several bookstores around these parts of town, which is saying a lot in DC. Perhaps Americans want to know why they "hate us" which is how they book is being reviewed. Mohsin architects a character named Changez quite like himself, from a middle class family in Lahore, Pakistan who is accepted into Princeton and does well enough to land an elite job at an investment bank-like firm called Underwood Samson. The book is presented in monologue cum dialogue fashion as Changez' is the only voice in the entire book but is speaking to an unknown American interloper at some cafe in Lahore.

The readers learn about Changez's life, how he came to Princeton, how he fares at Underwood, his first love Erica and then 9/11 strikes and his world changes, or rather his perceptions of America become more clear to him as the events of 9/11 unfold and his ideas of elitism, patriotism and his own professionalism are all called into question.

I suppose the book was thrilling in that I finished it in one sitting. I don't however have any praising words to share. It just really wasn't that good. Compared to Mothsmoke, I never really found myself rooting for the character. I was thickly enveloped in the plot but not necessarily finding myself caring for Changez or his issues. I feel it was a shallow attempt to throw a character who happens to be a Pakistani-cum Ivy elite in the throes of NYC poshness with a bit of 9/11 trauma blended for the plot to have any weight. Mohsin Hamid clearly wrote an engaging book, and perhaps it was not meant to be for all readers, merely for some Americans to peer into how the "others" might think about why people can come to hate America.

I say save yourself 120 minutes and go read The Loss of Inheritance by Kiran Desai.

thoughts on Circuit City

2007-05-02T20:52:00.000-04:00

I had been wanting to comment for a while on Circuit City's decision to fire 3400 high paid workers and today seemed like a good day considering the electronic big-box store posted a pre-tax 1Q loss of $40-50 million due to dropping consumer demand of big ticket items like plasma TVs. However, this is just part of the story. Many newsfeeds are reporting in their analysis that the 3,400 highly paid employees were also the most knowledgeable about big ticket items and sales have plunged due to their departure.

I suppose as a business school student when the news of the layoffs first hit, I was furious and still am. A lot of retail positions are the only source of income for intelligent sales people who have not had the ability to go to college. By deciding to lay off their skilled sales people, Circuit City did themselves a disservice and I hope they pay for it, not just in 1Q, but throughout the year. Hopefully it will teach other retail outlets that cutting your knowledeable salesforce is not the way to achieve cost savings. In saying this, I have no doubt become a Lou Dobbs groupie- believing that American jobs are at danger of being cut at every corner due to so-called cost savings bullshit so that the SVP of Potato Chips and Soda at Circuit City can have his nice six-figure salary. Trim the corporate pork and American jobs can be secure.

freedom, schreedom

2007-04-26T01:00:00.000-04:00

Hilarious article in the BBC written by a Pakistani on it what means to have freedom, of the Pakistani variety. And you thought the West were the only ones with a monopoly on free speech.

AbhiAsh Get Married

2007-04-20T22:26:00.000-04:00

The biggest names in Bollywood got married today. So what do my mother and I do on a Friday evening but sort through Reuters, Rediff and YouTube coverage of Aishwariya Rai and Abishek Bachan's wedding. Found some pertinent coverage on BBC, a most trusted source. I suppose Rediff will have to pay for any legitimate phots. Until then, these clips will have to do. Surprisingly for as big as these two names are, the event was low-key (compared to TomKat's Roman adventure and Mittal and Co. Versailles extravaganza).

How Pakistani are you?

2007-04-19T23:26:00.000-04:00

Arey, you are 81% Pakistani!!

Vah jee vah, your inner Pakistani is thriving! Pakistani and proud, that's what we like to see! You're still holding back a little though - try eating a good biryani then aim for the top.

Among other useless things I did today, I took a test on How Pakistani are you? I'm sure the FBI can track this..

If you kill one human being, it is as grave as if you killed the whole humanity (Qu'ran 5:32)

2007-04-18T23:09:00.000-04:00

Why do we have cultural apologists? I talk of Korean Americans who feel they will bare the burden of shame for the murderer who killed 32 people on Virginia Tech's campus and happened to be from South Korea, despite having grown up in Northern Virginia practically his entire life.

As a Muslim American, I have stopped apologizing (although I have to admit I gasped and prayed that the perpetrator of Tuesday's events was not Muslim and not Pakistani-perhaps because I was afraid we were going to have to be apologists once again). After the aftermath of 9-11, I remember having to explain incessantly what Islam says about killing innocent people (because apparently it is inherent to our Muslim mindset to want to kill) to co-workers, classmates, running partners and everyone in between the metro and airports. I am tired of coming up with different ways of saying, wanting to kill people is a sickness of the mind and is not exclusive to one race, religion, gender or what have you, not even if you grew up in a certain section of New York. I refuse to have to prove my patriotism (except during the World Cup) because I was born here, I pledge allegiance to our American flag and I too drink Starbucks. To kill innocent people is a perversion of the mind that crosses religious and cultural barriers. Whether triggered by the environment one grows up in or the accumulation of hate towards others through incitement of words and deeds, killing goes against the nature of human beings and should be heinous in everyone's eyes despite the perpetrator's said beliefs or race.

It took 9-11 for me to understand that killing whether by people who may have a stated religious commonality with me or not, the taking of innocent lives is a crime not only punishable in the human context, but also by divine.

quote-unquote

2007-04-15T23:22:00.000-04:00

Civil rights attorney Constance Rice in the LATimes:

"Imus should only be fired when the black artists who make millions of dollars rapping about black bitches and hos lose their recording contracts. Black leaders should denounce Imus and boycott him and call for his head only after they do the same for the misogynist artists with whom they have shared stages, magazine covers and awards shows. The truth is, Imus' remarks mimic those of the original gurus of black female denigration: black men with no class. He is only repeating what he's heard and being honest about the way many men -- of all races -- judge women."

Imus-less in the Morning

2007-04-10T19:05:00.000-04:00

Crotchety radio host Don Imus has been suspended from his daily radio show for 2 weeks by CBS Radio and the video simulcast by NBC for his infamous words, calling the Rutger University women's basketball team, "nappy headed hos. " People are incensed. Black talk show hosts like Donnie Simpson and Russ Parr are calling for CBS to do more, possibly suspend his show.

I personally think his comments were egregious for someone in his position with a syndicated show to spew on air. With that said, I don't think he had malice when he made those remarks in response to his co-hosts banter about how attractive/unattractive the Rutgers team was. Should he get suspended- perhaps. For some, the level of egregiousness stems from the fact that he was a white man who is not as norm would indicate allowed to say that because it was not racially correct for him to do so. While on the other hand, if Russ Parr, chris Rock or a person of color, notably black-American, were to say it, it would have been acceptable, or would have flown under the radar without as much as a peep.

My outrage stems from the fact that rappers and other 'hip-hop' music that is out there/has been out there for a decade or so does far more in perpetuating negative stereotyping of women, particularly black women as bitches and hoes as is also visually seen in their videos, than any comments from old white men. Where is the outrage from the black community on a large-scale level about that? I think the black community does far more self-disservice than any Don Imus-like figure will ever do. When you call each other nigger and bitch, whether its in playful colloquial terms or as seriously as addressing one another within different forms of media, you set yourself back in the eyes of the larger American public. Whether it is considered taking back the negativity the word brings such as Cornel West argues, I still think it leaves the rest of us perplexed as to what is acceptable use of such words. I wouldn't dare use that word for the vile historical context it was first created for, but I think the onus is on black folks to also realize that more than taking back the word, it presents an ambiguous idea to the rest of us on the correct applicability, thereby allowing for such outrage when events like the Don Imus episode occur.

Be outraged I say, but be equally outraged when black men and women also denigrade one another in a way that brings down their moral/ethical/sexual/emotional standing with the rest of us.

Going Green

2007-04-04T23:18:00.000-04:00

I am not the biggest ecophile by any means, certainly wouldn’t be considered one by Greenpeace’s standards with my gas guzzling SUV. But I do care for mother Earth and certainly bare my brunt of cold weather so that the South and North Poles don’t melt. Ofcourse that is of little concern collectively as we see pictures of polar bears barely staying afloat on Antartica’s glaciers. I want to become more eco-friendly and with two back to back pieces on ABC’s World News Tonight with Charles Gibson (watch out Brian Williams), one on UPS and the other on poor countries baring the brunt of global warming, I wanted to share some tips on how we can do our part to reduce our carbon footprint. First the pieces: UPS, the global delivery/logistics company has invested in a new fleet of hybrid trucks that deliver ground packages and a very innovative system that has programmed their GPS systems to route a path to a location using only right turns which saves fuel. Apparently waiting for left turns takes a longer time and wastes collective fuel. In doing so, they have reduced 82,000 tons of CO ² emissions thus far. The other piece which was also a NY Times article detailed how poorer nations, which account for less than 15% of CO ² footprint bare the brunt of climate change and are less capable of protecting themselves from impending changes in shortage/excess of water and what it means for their crop yield. One can see the effects in Africa where once the Congo and Zambezi Rivers where once civilizations flourished are now losing much of the surface rainfall accumulated over time making it difficult for near and far populations alike to obtain potable water.

Certainly an Inconvenient Truth opened my eyes to the wreck we’ve collectively caused, but moreso Western nations have to take the blame for our excessive consumption patterns and propensity for waste. Just this past week, San Francisco passed legislation that will ban plastic bags from grocery stores. Citizens must carry their own recyclable bag to contain their groceries. Ofcourse plastic manufacturers aren’t too thrilled but countries like Bangladesh have benefited from such policy as there are fewer clogged drains when monsoon season hits. This policy would do wonders in Pakistan as polythene bags litter Karachi streets and clog sewer systems and are fodder for the roaming cattle (umm delicious thought). And Paris mayor Jean-Louis Touraine just announced that it is starting a bicycle rental program so that Parisians can reduce pollution and do something healthy for a change (as if French women aren't already skinny so we've been told). 20,600 bikes will be available in over 1,400 stations around Paris after Bastille Day for people to rent on an hourly basis. If the rental is for 30 minutes or less, it will be free. The program worked well in Lyon and is considered so successful that cities like London, Sydney and Melbourne are seriously considering it.

In lieu of Time Magazine’s issue on 51 things we could do save the planet, I am taking a pledge on trying to reduce my carbon footprint. This however will not begin with trading in my SUV for I have actually just paid it off and I need a reliable vehicle to get me around in the ‘burbs. I will however take shorter showers, encourage my parents to insulate our windows so that we use less heat during the winter, wrap our water heater in a protective coat so it is insulated and uses less energy, use the dishwasher more often than hand-washing as that saves water in the long-run and take public transportation as often as I can. I cannot promise however to travel less by airplane because that would be like giving up my joie de vivre. So I can start with something and perhaps slowly change my consumption patterns.

Fearless Female: Mukhtaran Mai

2007-03-30T00:32:00.001-04:00

Some in my family called her opportunistic. Many in Pakistan called her scandalous. Among the many names that could be hurled at her, opportunistic and scandalous are egregious in my book. Mukhtaran Mai, who in 2002 was raped by men from the neighboring and powerful Mastoi clan in Meerwala, in Punjab province. She courageously came forward with her story of being raped by several members of the Mastoi clan in retaliation for one of their female members being allegedly sexually exploited by Mukhtaran’s brother, Shaqoor.

A recent documentary by Mohammad Naqvi entitled Shame, chronicles the events that led up to Mukhtaran’s eventual recognition by various large organizations as woman of the year and recipient of many international awards. When I saw this movie some time ago in November, I was moved. I had heard of her case but in bits and pieces and not from her point of view. The commentary surrounding this case was always opinionated on whether she colored Pakistan’s image and not necessarily the facts of the case.

When I went to Pakistan recently, I had a long and bitter, all-out screamfest with my cousins, who I thought up until that point were rather progressive. All but one of them (the exception being my cousin from South Carolina) riled against her, saying America doesn’t praise any of its rape victims and parades them around so that they receive international press coverage. Far from the fact that we actually have rule of law that allows women to come forward and press charges against the perpetrator, my cousins were more outraged that she received so much attention and thereby reflecting negatively on Pakistan. HELLLO people, that is in fact what she was able to do: to bring attention to outdated laws that unduly favors men by forcing the proof of burden on the women in such incidences. Rape laws in Pakistan are as predated as the Badshahi Masjid. Women had more rights in the advent of Islam back in 622 AD than they do in Pakistan currently.

I can sympathize with my cousins when they say America has many more rapes per thousand women than Pakistan ever will. I don’t see that as the issue. The issue is a woman’s honor and that of her family are at risk if/when she is raped and is thereafter living in a threatened state if she dare comes forward. The act of heroism on Mukhtaran’s part was exactly that- she came forward. Aside from the fact that her brother and Salma (the Mastoi clan’s female member) probably were caught having consensual sex but needed a way to ‘redeem’ their honor by exacting revenge on Mukhtaran.

I encourage everyone to see it, at least to understand the issue and not necessarily to take sides. Mukhtaran’s courage is not that she comes forward (which is certainly noteworthy), it is that she chooses to stay in her village after receiving so much international attention and opening a school for both girls and boys which allows the children of the Mastoi to also enroll. She is at once resilient and reflective, allowing her situation to be the vehicle of change for her village. And for that she earns my sincere respect.

The Emperor's Last Sigh

2007-03-28T21:07:00.000-04:00

Pakistani Pres Pervez Musharraf or rather DIC (Dictator in Charge) is further isolating himself from the people by displacing the rule of law. In defense of his actions of the past month, suspending Chief Justice Chaudry and appointing in his place a non-Supreme Court judge in his place, Musharraf has called the ire of the Pakistani people and much to his surprise the general reaction has been disfavorable. I think perhaps this may be the straw that breaks the camels’ back in that it may be the last action which stirs the nation from a stupor into anger and outrage.
Unfortunately, any viable successor is nowhere to be seen. Benazir Bhutto and Nawaz Sharif may be vying for a seat at the table, that is, when they are allowed back in the country, which might be a possibility if Musharraf is destabilized.

In speaking to two human rights professors from University of Peshawar today who are on an exchange program to American Univ, Prof Khattak was heartened that there is a massive response to the removal of the Chief Justice. Students, faculty and citizens alike feel like Musharraf has usurped much of the power that was undeservedly one-sided for much of its history. Nonetheless, for him to act unjudiciously in spite of his false verbal statements to remain within checks and balances. Mohsin Hamid, author of the acclaimed book Moth Smoke, wrote an editorial piece published in the New York Times yesterday and I agree when he says “General Musharraf must recognize that his popularity is dwindling fast and that the need to move toward greater democracy is overwhelming. The idea that a president in an army uniform will be acceptable to Pakistanis after this year’s elections is becoming more and more implausible.”

I think many Americans, Pakistani-Americans included, thought that Musharraf’s ideology of enlightened moderation was going to serve him well until his last ruling days. I think those last days came sooner than we expected, without the ideology accompanying him.

Judiciary Under Siege

2007-03-15T20:00:00.000-04:00

The debacle unfolded dramatically last Friday, when President Musharraf asked Chief Justice Iftikhar Chaudry to his office and accused him of misuing funds for personal gain and asked that he resign effective immediately. Meanwhile concurrently, the President’s minions, in a room not to far off asked Javed Iqbal, grandson of the late Allama Iqbal, poet-philosopher who espoused a Muslim state within India, to become Acting Chief Justice. Imagine the irony in that. And he accepted. The grandson of a man who espoused democracy, willing to take the highest office (even in an acting capacity) in the judiciary without being confirmed by peers.

The ouster for Chief Justice Chaudry slowly became his deeper involvement and questioning of missing persons whom the government is putting away for questioning in the war against terror in cooperation with American forces. Family members have stepped forward demanding where their male members have been taken away and thereby putting pressure on the Musharraf government to come clean with their don’t ask don’t tell policy of capturing ‘terrorists.’ Musharraf by removing Chaudry from the post, and hurling accusations of the personal kind, tried to rid himself of the impending questioning that is to take place by the Pakistani people on the real effects of the war on terror in Pakistan.

I remember commenting a while back that in my eyes, I lost most of my admiration for Musharraf. Anyone who claims he is working towards democracy and re-elects himself leader without giving any notion of a future election date, is no leader. He is an opportunist and a politik. The events of Friday further prove that his calculated move to forcibly remove the Chief Justice and put in his place someone who has not served the Supreme Court in any capacity is unworthy of calling himself a leader of a country even motioning towards democracy.

In further Musharraf- style, media coverage of the sacking of the Chief Justice was also mismanaged. Police were often violating in allowing reporters to come near the Justice’ house and the Supreme Court while recording pieces for presentation on shows such as GEO and ARY.

Meanwhile the Justice Department in the US suffered its own setbacks. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales admitted to making mistakes in firing 8 US attorneys- which was offered primarily not as a partisan decision but rather a general and normal occurrence every few years with the directive of the White House. It was later released by White House officials that e-mail exchanges between Karl Rove and Scott Jennings as well as Harriett Miers that some US attorneys needed to be pushed out because they weren’t following an agenda to prosecute Democratic agendas of redistricting in their respective states.

I think what follows suit from these two instances is that the foundation of a democratic state certainly falls on all three levels and if one level starts abusing its power, falls out of the check and balance system, then certainly one of the other two branches of government suffers from its lack of self-discipline to rule with a close-fisted hand.

Let March Madness begin

2007-03-12T00:30:00.000-04:00

According to my NCAA online sports fantasy pick, I have Georgetown playing against UCLA for the final game. How I let Florida, Duke and Ohio State lose during earlier rounds, I don't know. But no sweat. It's my own prediction. I have no money riding on this; just some pure luck, I'll have you know.

The Evolution of a Bollywood Star

2007-03-04T00:16:00.000-05:00

I have seen but have not much admired Saif Ali Khan until more recently. I got acquainted with him in Dil Chahta Hai, although one of my all-time favorite movies, not so necessarily because of his role (read Amir Khan=i love movie). Then followed a string of duds including Na Tum Jaane Na Hum, Kal Ho Naa Ho and Salaam Namaste where the consummate love-stricken hero stoops to all sorts of levels to win the heart of his chosen heroine. But this is where evolution has stepped in. In choosing mature roles subsequently in Parineeta, Being Cyrus and the latest flick I caught called Omkara Mr. Saif surely is figuring out that even Indians would like to see their Bollywood heart-throbs in meaty roles that reflect the complexities within their society and the layers of life, love and dismay that comes in a modernizing, increasingly globalized and afflicted country and people. I recommend Omkara, a not so modern-day adaptation of Othello set in rural India where Saif's character channels Iago, a maniacal friend to Ajay Devgun's character, conjuring up affairs between the general's wife and his loyal lieutenant. What ensues is Bollywood-esque numbers (that somehow fit with the trashy Bipasha Basu as a lovelorn musical siren) in between meatier and cuss-filled dialogues with the ever-more evolved Kareen Kapoor as Dolly Mishra (oh where is Poo when you need her).

and the Oscar goes to:

2007-02-26T16:31:00.001-05:00

Quotes that are making me laugh today:

"We never thought we liked Melissa Etheridge that much until she managed to beat out the three Oscar-nominated sirens, er, songs from "Dreamgirls" for her tune "I Need to Wake Up" from "An Inconvenient Truth." It felt like Iceland just won the Summer Olympics. "

"And not only are Mexicans taking over the restaurant industry but Hollywood too. What is American coming to. Next we'll be giving the Alamo back."

sasghar Recommends: The Namesake

2007-02-22T00:34:00.000-05:00

Quite a few posts ago, I linked to the trailer for The Namesake. Now that I have seen it at the DC premiere, I must rave. I also had the chance to meet Mira Nair who told us the inspiration for her to get the rights to make the film.

Firstly, Tabu was amazing as Ashima Ganguli. Beautifully engaging eyes that allowed you to go to a place of candor and sensuality and Irrfan Khan as Ashoke Ganguli...one word- amazing. I have seen better movies by far but this one evoked memories of immigrant parents who struggled much like mine, a struggle with identity as a 2nd generation kid, grief of the loss of a parent- the movie covered much emotion. Basically, it was a reflection of how we were raised minus a few of Gogol's trysts for we must remain pure chaste women..still. Bridges, marigolds and trees shuttled us back and forth from Calcutta to Manhattan, where one life began, another ended, where one relationship assumes another withers. I laughed quite a bit as the cultural nuances were just right, I cried quite a bit as the mourning of loved ones was especially touching, and I was sad but also rejoiceful at the sacrifices our parents make and many parents still do to find better opportunities for children, in the best way they know how, whether that be to emigrate or abandon.

Secondly, Mira Nair is amazing in person. Two years ago, her mother-in-law had traveled from South Africa to get treated for a disease in NY. Apparently she passed away due to negligence/malpractice on the part of the doctor operating on her. She was finishing Vanity Fair and was quite grief-stricken as she was mourning for her 'second mother' as she called her. On her way to India to bury the body, she picked up The Namesake, a book she had bought 6 months earlier but didn't get to read. She stepped off the plane in Jodhpur and called her agent and asked if Jhumpa (Lahiri) had sold the rights yet to The Namesake because she wanted to make it. Nair said that after quite sometime, she found creative inspiration. Ashima was many characters she had seen and experienced and wanted Tabu for the part. She knew after finishing the book that Irrfan Khan would play Ashoke. Gogol was obviously a pivotal role and felt that it needed to be a polished actor. Nair's 14-year old son suggested Kal Penn and she outrightly rejected it. After allowing him to read for the part, she knew it was meant for him.

I felt the casting was great but didn't feel that Kal Penn did an amazing job. I still see him as Kumar Goes to White Castle but hey he typecast himself. Nonetheless, I felt Nair's accomplishments as the Director overruled any bias I held for any of the characters both in their part as fictional roles in Lahiri's work or otherwise. Many parts were not included in the book and that was Nair's attention to develop Ashima and Ashoke's love moreso than Gogol's which was more evocative and beautiful than any romantic Hallmark notion we have of love. In her closing remarks Nair said that the love of past was beautiful in its stillness while sharing a cup of tea and stroking your companion's hand, not the gestures of diamond rings and Valentine's day cards we have used as an excuse to show love but not necessarily feel. I thought it encompassed why I wish to emulate the love between Ashima and Ashoke, a love I feel alot of our parents expressed for one another devoid of material goods but full of deep-seated caring and compassion.

XM, Sirius to Merge

2007-02-19T15:26:00.000-05:00

Yes it was formally announced today, XM and Sirius will be merging by year's end. Whose name and headquarters will be assumed for the new company, those details are yet to be worked out. I always thought it was better to have a duopoly but I suppose the costs were inflating. Nonetheless there was better content offered over the years by XM- bias aside. Time to jump ship??

"I Have a Dream" in text

2007-02-19T00:11:00.000-05:00

I watched a report on CNN tonight (not much good on CNN these days but hey Soledad did a decent piece) on MLK and the rumblings of the Civil Rights fight. I thought I would post the "I Have a Dream" speech because it inspired me as a kid to see America emerge as a nation where equality was truly every person's right. I've been back from Pakistan now for over a month and more generally I feel when I return from other countries, I realize that while there is much that needs to be fixed here, there is also much to be admired. Perhaps our Constitution was created on false terms (at the time) when white men owned black men, but I think we/ the nation is working towards a better equality than alot of other places in the world. And while it is not perfect, I certainly can attest to the fact that it is a lot better than the land 97million immigrants left (#of immigrants in America today). Free at last, free at least, thank God Almighty we are free at last!

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the
greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we
stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in
the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long
night of their captivity.

But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred
years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of
segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro
lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material
prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the
corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. So we
have come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we have come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When
the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution
and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to
which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men,
yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the unalienable rights
of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note
insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred
obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has
come back marked "insufficient funds." But we refuse to believe that the bank of
justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in
the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this
check — a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the
security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America
of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling
off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make
real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and
desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the
time to lift our nation from the quick sands of racial injustice to the solid
rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's
children.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment.
This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until
there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is
not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off
steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns
to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America
until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will
continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice
emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the
warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining
our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to
satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and
hatred.

We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and
discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical
violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting
physical force with soul force. The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed
the Negro community must not lead us to distrust of all white people, for many
of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to
realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny and their freedom is
inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.

As we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall march ahead. We
cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights,
"When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is
the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be
satisfied, as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain
lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We can never
be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New
York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied,
and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and
righteousness like a mighty stream.

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials
and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. Some of
you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the
storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have
been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that
unearned suffering is redemptive.

Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina,
go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of
our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be
changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair. I say to you today, my
friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still
have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created
equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of
former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down
together at the table of brotherhood.
I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a
nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the
content of their character.
I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists,
with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and
nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls
will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and
brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill
and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the
crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be
revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.
This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring." And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of
Pennsylvania!Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of
Colorado! Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California!
But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!
Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!
Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, When we allow freedom to ring, when we let it
ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we
will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and
white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join
hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at
last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

misc. videos

2007-02-16T11:44:00.000-05:00

I'm finally going through all my emails from over a month and I got some funny and interesting video clips sent to me I'd like to share. Ofcourse I'm not savvy to embed a video player in blogger just yet so links will have to do:

http://www.glumbert.com/media/aljazeera
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9_clXcRlZ8&eurl=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqUY7TKyzCM&mode=related&search=

i love it!

2007-02-14T21:55:00.000-05:00

me & Larry Summers do have somthing in common

2007-02-13T19:31:00.000-05:00

I suppose it is indeed a new century and we are fast-forwarded to 2007 where women are taking the reigns in what were very patriarchal positions. Harvard announced that its first women president was chosen in Drew Gilpin Faust, our first woman Speaker of the House was crowned this past January in Nancy Pelosi, the Islamic Society of North America chose its first woman president, theologist Ingrid Mattson to lead the largest 'organized' group of Muslim organizations and Hillary Clinton has thrown in her hat in a bid for the Democratic presidential nomination.

I think when I set out to write this blog I was ambivalent to praise women achieving such recognition because I don't necessarily think that all of the above women are qualified to lead their respective posts; but then I'd sound like Lawrence Summers and would be categorized as a feminazi, going against all that the women's movement worked towards. And so I won't. All of the above women are among the most intelligent people in this country and have worked their way towards this position, in fact most coming from the lower middle class rung. They were chosen from among other well-qualified peers and so well deserved if they were the best for said role. Nonetheless, I have a hard time believing that we are able to lead positions of such clout without doing some harm to our roles as caregivers, nurturers and facilitators. Perhaps I am the female Lawrence Summers and should stop my gibberish before my ignorance is spread far and wide. But for arguments sake, let's dissect why each woman is good and bad for the role.

Drew Gilpin was chosen as the first female president of Harvard, having only led the Radcliffe Institute, which was earlier absorbed by Harvard, a scholarly wing of advanced study with a $15million budget. In contrast, the other men and women who were also contenders for the job had managed large institutions both academic and non-academic. I think she was propelled to the top spot because of her ability to act as facilitator but also because Harvard wanted to reverse the reputation set by Summers in the past 3 years. Fortunately or unfortunately Ms. Faust has found herself in the right place at the right time and I hope she does well to keep that bastion of American ivory tower alive and well.

Nancy Pelosi has also found herself in a key role because of voter aggrievances with Republicans. After winning control of both the House and Senate, Nancy Pelosi rallied hard with fellow House members to elect her Speaker. I think she is deserving of that role but the subsequent articles in WashingtonPost and NYTimes have focused on her fashion sense as opposed to the issues she is working hard on- an unfortunate byproduct of being the first Madam Speaker.

Ingrid Mattson, unknown to most Americans but well regarded by the Muslim community in America is an articulate, fair and knowledgable community advocate and scholar. She will face many hurdles as mainstream Muslims have rarely seen or heard of women in such high positions. Her authority on key Muslim issues over the coming years will be questioned but I think Muslim Americans need to embrace woman power!

And lastly but not least, Hillary Clinton's bonafide quest to become the first American woman president is one to watch over the next year. I sincerely hope she is a viable candidate (but we all know who I'm rooting for) to all the other crap we have running (note to Mr. Romney, quit now and focus on Mormonifying Massachusetts). I think her running is historic, least of which is her legacy as First Lady. I truly believe she is academically qualified but might have trouble convincing the rest of America that high-strung women who've had a history of spousal neglect can lead this country out of national despair.

I do sound like a feminazi. I may not submit to these same feelings in about an hour so disregard them at about 8:30pm. :)

A New Era

2007-02-11T01:20:00.000-05:00

Lets mark 2/11 in the annals of US history- when the first Black president of America declared his candidacy. On November 4, 2008, America will elect Barack Obama- God willing. Already there have been threats and claims from stupid Australian PM's and the like that voting for Obama means voting for the terrorists. Fu*ker, Al-Qaeda exploded on your watch, so give it a rest. Let our generation have hope that politicians should serve the people honestly and with integrity.

quote

2007-02-09T00:17:00.000-05:00

quote from Road to Mecca:

"We do know, of course, what has happened to us at this or that period of our lives; and we do sometimes understand why it happened; but our destination- our destiny- is not so easily espied: for destiny is the sum of all that has moved us and within us in the future- and so it can unfold itself only at the end of the way, and must always remain misunderstood as long as we are treading the way."

miscellany and black men

2007-02-08T23:57:00.000-05:00

i know why i am smitten with Cory Booker- because he's fabulous. i just finished watching Street Fight, a documentary on the Newark elections of 2004 in which Cory lost to incumbent Sharpe James. he went on to win the mayoral elections of 2006 uncontested. i love his sense of purpose and despite being called carpetbagger (where have we heard that before..perhaps a senator from NY), i feel like you don't necessarily have to have lived in a town for 43 years in order to want to make it better. you do need a plan, you do need smart people around you that can help makes the changes possible and certainly an inner moral compass that will allow you to do that good. i wrote in a earlier post that i admired Cory Booker. i suppose he's my hope for all that is good and possible for American democracy (as is my hope for Barack Obama).

in other miscellany news, i have been sidetracked in reading Road to Makkah by Muhammad Asad to Measure of a Man by Sidney Poitier, and perhaps i may reveal in the coming days why (other than the fact that I too admire Sidney Poitier)....hmmm it seems to me there is a theme in this post..my admiration for Black American men. i will leave it at that.

as yet untitled

2007-02-01T22:33:00.000-05:00

(notes from a musaffir)

Sitting here in Bahrain Airport and from the hustle and bustle of the transit area I can only imagine the excitement within the city. I only thought of the U.S. and London as truly being ethnically diverse but I suppose a good number of MENA countries are embracing the commercial viability of a diverse working place.

I have left Pakistan uncertain of when I will return next. I perhaps doubted that my cousins would accord me the same kind of openness and love as they have offered before and I can't exactly say why I felt that because it is anathema to what/who they are (family) but I felt perhaps because I had grown older and they'd moved on to have wives/husbands and one and two children that somehow I'd be forgotten. 'Twas not so. In fact my relationships have matured with them and have included their kids as part of that new relationship. I have become by proxy khala to a new generation of beautiful kids. I've become khalajani to Mariam, Amreekan khala to Talha and Wajiha and just plain Sadia Khala (aka the the Canadian hater) to Younus, Samoor and Nabeel.

In addition to young new members, we ofcourse welcomed three new lovely women into the family, two into the same household. Our additions have been well worth the travels as it allowed for the opportunity to intimately connect with the new bhabis. Ofcourse there was a part of me that was a bit nostalgic at what could have been but I musn't because I had my chance.

I think back on these 4 weeks and realize that I in a way became introverted and kept many observations to myself. In previous instances I'd be wont to describe my 'feelings' or feel the need to share them with friends. I'm perhaps different now or for this particular journey I have changed. On other trips I've been quick to note that this/that or the other is clearer/more different because of the trip itself. This time I noted that I just let things sit within me and simmer and perhaps would see their consequence at some later time.

Pakistan was good for me in that gave me both emotional and material excess. I participated in 3 weddings, a significant event in the life of most people, but I also felt I took something/ in a way I raped Pakistan- took from it an unordinary amount from its virgin belly and gave nothing to it in return- or so I think. But it too took from me too....my absolute glorious memories of childhood summers in a Gulshan bungalow that doesn't exist, of once simple familial bonds that are now strained with life's precarious travails, of once long crushes that now have seen to its end, of once blissfully frantic pace of Karachi which has now morphed into an uncrawalable web of bridges and chowks, where sitting in hours of traffic to reach Saddar and Zainab Market don't necessarily make sense.

There were unforgettable moments amidst the chaos and confusion: accompanying Ahmer Bhai as he rode in the car as a blushing groom in the flower bedecked Corolla and losing the way to the Gymkhana, seeing the lovely arrangement of velvet tents and flower adorned tables for what seemed like miles, scurrying to decorate Ahmer Bhai's room at the PC before bhabi and he arrived, Afshan Baji and I ducking out of the house every day for pricey meals at the PC and Awari, sharing secret code words with Ahmer Bhai and observing Shahzad Bhai's laughter as he tried to decode, random 'gimme some' outbursts by Mariam, Mariam's huggie and her cuddling in my space as she moved counter clockwise in bed, embracing family and friends to cry at Papa's passing, hearing my khalas bicker over small things and pretending nothing had changed, appreciating shopowners who took interest in my business by hollering "baji, iddar to ayain- humara naya samaan dikha ta hoon" (sister come here so I can show you my newest wares) or "aap kay liya especial diskount" (for you I will give a special discount) and ending it all with "baji humara nuksaan tho na karain" (sister don't rob me.. referring to the barganing process).

I don't know when I'll return to Karachi. Surely it will change again as the city reinvents itself for the 21st century. It will never be the same but nothing ever is, only your memories remain with you.

Barbaro, good riddance

2007-01-29T15:16:00.000-05:00

i have never seen so much bloody press and coverage for a horse as there has been for Barbaro. i think he had more health care coverage than the average American. thank the good lord they euthanized so we don't have to hear about him again. i sympathize with the owners, but i just think they were out for financial gain in trying to operate and make him forcibly recover. besides, aren't there more important things to cover.. like oh the dying children in Darfur. again where the freak are our priorities?

10 Things Only in Pakistan

2007-01-26T09:04:00.000-05:00

Disclaimer: These don't necessarily all apply only to Pakistan but are pretty specific in the nature of their sheer quirkiness to which Pakistan can claim.

* Driver whose truck breaks down on a busy highway finds a patch of grass and assumes nap position in the mid-day sun while passengers scramble to avoid hitting his stationary gynnormous lorrie.
* Asking for a shalwar kameez from dukandaar (shopkeeper) and walking out with it for half the asking price.
* Horrible, cheesy ads (oh wait that's all of the Muslim world)
* Arriving at your own wedding at 10:30pm, only to look around that not more than 10 guests have also arrived.
* Acting like VIPs in the Awari Towers when in actuality, anywhere else you'd be a normal nobody, but assume your English skills will make you naturally superior.
* Slaughtering sheep and cow on the streets for Eid and letting the blood pour onto the streets and 'sanitizing' it with phenol thinking the unsanitary conditions have been washed away.
* Taking/presenting mithai on every occasion.
* Having 50 item buffets that only include tikkas and bbq of every chicken and beed combo imaginable.
* And lastly, seeing the sexy Shahid Afridi on every third billboard ad for Pepsi, Mobilink and whatever else multinational companies want him to hawk.

not my kind of city..at least for now

2007-01-05T16:18:00.000-05:00

So I have recounted that I feel like I’m in a different place moreso than when I’ve previously visited. I guess I’m more aware of the differences of how I’ve grown up in the States and the realities I’ve come to know about religion, class and identity. There is much to talk about when in Karachi as noticed by my string of unintelligent previous posts but I think the thing that is apparent as it applies to how I’ve managed to please or piss my relatives when it comes to staying with them. Class is a very distinguishing factor in Karachi. When you come off the airplane it hits you in the face as you either leave in your aged Suzuki or your chauffer driven Honda or Toyota. As you exit Jinnah Airport, small children begging for change becomes a normalcy. It awashes your sense of giddiness in landing to see your relatives after so long only to see innocent children begging for parents or as part of a larger group of beggars.

So as I decide which relatives’ home I will feel more comfortable in, factors such as American toilets, handwash, number of bedrooms, cleanliness, cook, chauffer, available transportation all become a part of the decision. Ofcourse the insistence of your respective khala and or chacha, thiee all also make a difference. I suppose I was a little more oblivious to my comforts before, but now I am very conscience in where I want to stay and how long- how freakin’ American of me. I have opted to stay with my cousin in a newer part of Nazimabad where he has occupied a nice new space with security. Yet another cousin that I’ve always stayed at before seemed almost strange and unlivable for reasons that remain based on cleanliness (and his 2 additions of little ones). Other khalas have moved further out into the suburbs where again they have nice beautiful spaces but no one to interact with. I guess family dynamics have also changed where most of my cousins are married and everyone is busy in their own affairs.

Class is always seen in the way and whereabouts people shop. I’ve been treated very differently in the shops when I where shalwar kameez as opposed to when I wear my jeans. Although my Urdu remains similar, people expect that I can pay a higher price in my jeans.. which I will not accept. Restaurants are abound with all sorts of cuisine afforded only by the rich. Roads that are clean in only Clifton and Defense with the rest of Karachi gone to shit. Trash that is only cleaned when it is left outside of one’s home only to pile up for no one to pick up. Life can be comfortable (according to my standards), if only you are rich and live in certain sections of the city.

Karachi, cont'd

2007-01-03T16:06:00.000-05:00

Been in Karachi almost a week now and for some reason I still feel like I have been transported to somewhere other than Earth, where some rules are not befitting for interaction with like human beings and time is not an issue for most. I have left the house only occasionally for formal purposes, such as to attend weddings and purchase toilet tissue paper.

My observations are many but my ability to put them to paper is hard to come by. I process things and then are overloaded by new images and new events that occur every few hours or so. I am now staying with my mom’s sister in her new flat in Gulshan. Quite a nice new spread with three oversized bedrooms and 3 bathrooms with an elevator and garage to boast. The commercial and housing boom in Karachi is hard to miss. With 7 new overpasses and many new hi-rise buildings in construction, Karachi is teeming with new investment. Nonetheless, it is also very hard to ignore the plight of the displaced, poor, and homeless who pour the streets every morning and evening disrupting the already egregious traffic. Middle Eastern investment is seen in the new branches of Al Falah banking and the interesting designs of the soon to be Tam Towers near Jinnah Airport. Restaurants are boundless with so many varieties of every ethnicity. Now all Karachi needs is fewer people, better transportation, less corruption, more American style toilets and a good Mr. Clean type scrubbing before I can deem it livable.

Family issues abound and no trip is complete without some unnecessary drama. I don’t know when it will be appropriate to talk about them, but rest assure they will make it into the text of some future post.

Welcome to 2007!

2006-12-31T15:05:00.000-05:00

It’s 50 minutes past midnight in Karachi and I still cannot believe I am here. It’s still a little overwhelming to think that I am surrounded by this much family. MashAllah all my cousins from my father’s side are married, with the last two left being myself and my brother. All now have at least one kid and so there is much rowdiness and confusion in the house. I guess it follows that we’re in Karachi where the streets are teeming with people and the roads are a haphazard array of lanes where cars look to inches for a space to move forward, much like the people.

The weddings went off well and we welcomed three new dulhans (brides) to the family. Two of them to the same household as two brothers got married within days of each other. The third being my more extreme cousin whose wife is full niqab-clad alima who managed to have a partitioned reception, men being on one side and the women being on the other. Nonetheless, the rest of us managed to find a space in the lawn out front to mingle as we weren’t particularly keen on the separation of sexes. I’ll get more into this as I fully digest what took place these past few days.

Right now I have sensory overload. The sights, sounds and smells of Karachi are enough to fill about 2 or 3 blogs’ worth of notes. The overwhelming traffic that is overrunning people, the inadequate amount of infrastructure that is in place to support the influx of people, the absolute boundless variety of jasmine and roses available at any time of day or night and the beautiful amounts of love I’ve received by my khalas (mother’s sisters), mamoos (mother’s brothers), thias (father’s brother) and ofcourse my one and only phupi (father’s sister) and awesome cousins.

Today also happens to coincide with Eid el Adha and so the feast of sacrifice will be anything but because I will be with family, enjoying one another’s company. Many well wishes for 2007!

heave ho

2006-12-23T00:30:00.000-05:00

i leave tomorrow with a bit of a heavy heart. someone i thought i wanted to be with, yes perhaps in even a long-term relationship announced that he wanted to be with someone else. i guess we each have our own struggles to deal with in terms of who we think will make great life-long partners and we were perhaps not meant to be. i guess i have yet to find that special someone who brings me peace but will also get my heart racing. i give myself over to kismet and whatever it shall bring forth for me in 2007. adieu adieu.